Disclaimer. These aren't lyrics supposed to be put to the tune of the song by Lukas Graham and a few ages have been added.
Once I was 7 years old, and I so desperately wanted to be like my older sister. I was convinced that this life moved too slow for me and I wanted to be that cool, teenage girl living carelessly with her friends. My favorite times were attending sporting events for my older brother, ice skating lessons, and summer fairs with my grandpa. I fell asleep easily except on nights where I waited for my dad to get home from work.
Once I was 11 years old, and I had dealt with more loss than a new middle school student should experience. The loss of both my grandparents and my older sister came at an age that doesn't quite hold the understanding of the impact an event like this has. I continued my life trying to comprehend and be strong but I saw my dad cry and my mom hurt for the first time and someone doesn't forget that. I constantly reminded myself that God always has a plan and sometimes the young go too soon. I learned to lean on Him more than ever and not have our relationship shake under the pressures of the world. However, this began my nights of staying up and asking, "what would life be like with you here?"
Once I was 15 years old, and high school was all new to me. It seemed like everyone knew who they were except me, but in all reality, no one really knows who they are or where they're going at an age like that. My highlight of each week was cheering on the football team every Friday night and getting ice cream with my cheer team afterward. My friends were people I thought I could never live without and I realized real troubles in the world. War, rape, abuse, cruelty and mass shootings started to fill my newsfeeds as social media expanded and the world I lived in became a little darker. I remember the day a shooter entered my favorite mall and it was then I realized tragedies happen every day and you're a fool to think it can't happen in your city. "What kind of person is filled with that much hate?" was a thought that began to haunt me.
Once I was 18 years old, and I took my adventures to college. I dealt with my first heartbreak and being on my own every day of the week. I found my forever home in a sorority I believe in and friends who will be my bridesmaids. I made mistakes again and again, but the true friends were their mornings after to help me laugh about them. I learned having the past with loss and tears is not rare, but actually common. This brought comfort, to know I'm not alone while breaking my heart all at the same time. I began to treasure my family a heck of a lot more, as I now understood that I can't do life without them. Soon thoughts would keep me up at night as I wondered how someone could walk away from their family.
Once I was 21 years old, and I regretted not realizing earlier that having a guy is not a requirement at this point in life. It took months too long for me to realize my worth and leave people behind because they did not support or represent that worth of mine. I noted that I may not be entirely happy with my major and that another could be my main calling in life. I quickly got over the regret, altered my path, and set forth to fulfill what would make me happy. I witnessed my best friends heart get broken and sometimes I stayed up wondering how people could be so heartless to not care about another's heart?
Soon I'll be thirty years old, and I wonder what will my life hold? Will I be happy with the path I've chosen and who will still be standing beside me after all those years? Will I have a child or maybe multiple with an amazing guy I'll be lucky to call the love of my life? I hope to be an extraordinary mother as my mother was to me, but I know worrying and fearing the harshness of the world, hoping to protect my kids, will keep me up at night.
Soon I'll be 60 years old, and I hope my days are filled with happiness. I hope my kids will bring their kids to visit often so I can watch them grow up. I will make the most of my retirement and won't let my age hold me back from traveling even more. I can only wish that thoughts of regret won't keep me up so late.
Once I was 7 years old, and I so desperately wanted to be like my older sister. Silly me, I believed this life moved too slow and I wanted so badly to hit the fast forward button. I wanted boyfriends and freedom, thinking that heartbreaks and consequences wouldn't touch me. How wrong was I?
