I started as a server a couple of weeks ago, and I really do like it so far. However, I could deal without the complete lack of respect, abundance of sexualization and objectification that goes along with it.
Let's talk about strippers.
Before I begin to talk about my horrifying experiences as a server, let's talk about strippers.
Strippers had to fight for a very long time to make minimum wage. In 2013, a Southern District Court ruled that since the strip clubs give "strict guidelines to its dancers—including controlling their attire, and lack thereof—and made [strippers] the business's main attraction," then these dancers should be treated as employees, rather than independent contractors.
Strippers and servers are paid a small hourly wage, plus tips, in order to provide a service. In this way, the careers are similar. However, servers are not paid to be sexualized, and neither the stripper nor the server are paid to be disrespected.
Server rules to live by.
As a server, you're taught from day one to read the customer. If a customer answers in short, then they don't want to be bothered. Wait a few more minutes to check on them and leave the bill as soon as possible. If you're a female server, and there are males and females at the table, make sure you take the orders from the females first. If you're a female server, then direct all of your statements or questions toward the females at the table, if possible. I'm not sure if male servers experience similar restrictions so I cannot speak of their behalf, but no one wants their source of income jeopardized. Some of these rules are unspoken; and if you don't follow them, someone will speak up. Most people speak with their tips, and those who don't make the server's life a living hell.
As a 20 year-old female serving novice, I learned that customers expect me to dance for their dollar. I have to be perfect, which is difficult since every customer has a different definition of what qualifies as the perfect server. Some customers want attention and conversation while others like to tell me jokes and perform magic tricks. Some customers want to be left alone, which is fine. However, don't expect anything more from your server than what they are paid to do. Customers have arbitrary expectations for their server and tip accordingly.
As a young, female server, the worst tables to get are couples. Nothing is worse than a paranoid high school girl glaring at you because she doesn't like you serving her boyfriend. It has nothing to do with my behavior because I'm really awkward and completely dedicated to my boyfriend. I'm a female server dealing with an irrational customer.
While the previous situation is monumentally irritating, there truly is nothing worse than when a wife gets as paranoid as a high school girl. Although, older women tend to handle it differently than young, high school girls who may stiff you or make her boyfriend stiff you. Older women will challenge you, complain to your manager or take your survey. Both situations suck, but let me tell you how much more awful that talk with the manager can be.
I am not a stripper. However, I am not paid to flirt, dance on a pole or be objectified or sexualized by customers in order to gain the franchise or corporation more income. I am not hitting on your boyfriend or husband. My job is to be professional, friendly, accommodating, take orders, assist in the preparation and delivery of food and do all of the above for multiple parties at once. Take into consideration that, if I am serving you, I am dedicating about an hour of my life to you. Yet, I am only guaranteed $3.00. If you can't afford to pay for gratuity or don't feel that it's a necessity, then stay home. If you disagree with that statement, then warn your server at the beginning of your visit that you will be stiffing them so they can give you an appropriate level of service.
Compliment my service not my body.
Last weekend as I and my co-worker helped customers pay their bills, the customer that I assisted said that we both had "excellent bodies" and "thank God that He made you pretty, it will help." The other gentleman nodded and gave short phrases of affirmation along with what my customer said. I think that went on for about a minute, since the register moved at a snail's pace, but time could have been moving slower because that was not a fun situation. My co-worker and I finished quickly and then shared a face of awkward embarrassment and discomfort.
Multiple servers explained to me that these situations are not rare. There are customers who feel comfortable touching us on our waist or butt, some like to make excessive advances and some like to play games with our tips.
It's unfortunate that I have to explain why this is not appropriate behavior for anyone, but I guess that it's not as clear to everyone as it should be. If you go to a restaurant and act like you're at a strip club, then you need to stop going to restaurants. We're not dancing for anyone's dollar, especially someone who is going to sexualize and objectify us.
Stop looking at me like that.
This is targeted to the general public and bank and retail workers. Stop looking from my wad of singles, which I am trying to count, deposit or pay with, to my body. Stop judging me with your eyes. Not only do I feel uncomfortable with your actions, I feel the need to disclaim to you that I'm not a stripper—since I want to be treated with respect.
With that being said, it is monumentally disgusting that strippers, as well as those who are suspected of stripping, are so disrespected. We are all human beings with bills to pay. Stop treating our services as a joke. Stop treating your gratuity as an option. Stop thinking that we have to bat our eyes, open our legs and dance for your dollar. News flash: we don't.
