Recently, I read an article written by a girl who I used to go to grade school with. She talks about feminism and gender equality from her perspective by bringing up examples of instances where gender discrimination can occur, and why the language that we use is often to blame. This includes words that we use on a daily basis and actions that we perform unconsciously and consciously that are considered - by her - to be inflammatory and hostile towards any and every marginalized group. This kind of reminded me of the micro aggressions theory; the notion has been the subject of many major university studies, but nonetheless doesn’t receive unanimous acceptance. But anyways, here's a response:

You want to know what constitutes real gender discrimination and sexist behavior throughout my age group? You know, the majority of the world’s population? I'm talking about millennials, if you haven’t already guessed it. Well, it's not so different from what that other author wrote about; it's our behavior. Literally, what we do and what we say can dominate all spheres of influence on the banter across the globe. The generality of my claim is, in fact, its strength. Applicability is everything, and so is perception.

You can say all the words you want and phrase your sentences in a precise manner to project an image, but in the end, actions and words speak different languages. You want to know something else? I can have a totally normal conversation with a guy and, in general, exhibit a really friendly and outgoing manner with him, which may lead him to perceiving the interaction as a romantic interest. Those words I spoke were concentrated and manipulated into an alternative storyline by the other person. It’s really funny because, in the most extreme circumstances, we sometimes give “unintentional” consent for some kind of interaction to happen, even ones that initiate intimacy in any way, shape, or form. Sometimes, the touch of an arm translates into condoning more physical contact than originally wanted. Touching another person in specific places – in body language terms – doesn’t translate into one and only one way. That touch to the arm establishes a human bond, yes, but it is so general of a movement during conversation, that it obviously has to be to perceived differently by different people.

Complicated explanation aside, the real point up until now was to introduce the concepts I'm discussing. Personal experience is what helps people learn best, in my opinion. If there is one thing that I’ve learned, it is that the way in which another person perceives a situation has so many different outcomes, that even the times where you believe you are being cordial and very neutral to another person, you are instead interpreted as making an overt attempt to gain attention in a way that points to some aspect of heightened sexuality, intimacy, or friendship.

That girl whose ass you grabbed upstairs at Sports wasn’t standing by the bar to receive that kind of treatment. The girl who was genuinely just looking to make new friends doesn't really know how to feel about the fact that that you automatically assumed romantic interests were at play in your three-week-old friendship… literally, three weeks.

Do you see what I’m saying here? These events and interactions come from perceived meanings of ourselves, our human interactions. When you use certain vocabulary and behave in a certain manner, you’re doing so – usually – in response to another person. We are constantly bouncing off of one another in these moments that can last a single second or an entire year, which constitute so many personal experiences or commonly accepted interpretations.

So gender discrimination and sexist behavior throughout my age group, you know, the one that constitutes the majority of the world’s population, does not change in substance when we understand it this way. However, it is not shrouded in some academic or ideological mysticism. It is real life, and it happens every day. It is the unwanted touch, unsolicited attention, and misperceived intentions that women experience every day. It is more than just your typical 20-something blogger at a major university in the U.S. It is a total scene of all the things that happen daily around the world, horrific acts of violence and discrimination that a college student will never experience while sitting at a $1500 computer typing away.

But it is also a scene where good happens too, where a girl can turn down a guy on a Thursday night at the bar and not be kidnapped and imprisoned on false charges of adultery. Instead, she gets to come home safely. She may view herself as a victim of our society’s injustice sometimes, but in the end, she is really fucking lucky.