Ever since my babysitting days when I was 11, I've had difficulty talking money with my employers. I've held almost 10 jobs in the eight years since my first foray into the professional world. I'm only just beginning to overcome the hurdle of discussing payment with the people I work for, a task that women seem to find disproportionately difficult.
Before I go into how I (sort of) alleviated my discomfort with asking for better pay or confronting bosses about unfair payment, lets talk a bit about what has been a hot button political and feminist issue for a few years now: the wage gap. I'm not here to school you on whether or not exists (it totally does) since there are enough think pieces and studies that would do a much better job of that than me. I'll leave it at saying that the factors responsible for the wage gap are varied and expansive. The one that I have the most personal experience with, both encountering and combatting, is women's socialized lack of self-worth.
When I'm asked by employers what I'd like to be paid, I used to always hesitate, normally throwing out a figure much less than I wanted, and deserved. Until recently, I never assessed the value of the service I have to offer and so I never asked or fought for what I deserved to be paid.
Although I used the term "fight," there doesn't always have to be one. Often, the reason I wasn't being paid what I deserved wasn't because my employers were unwilling to give it to me, but because I never asked.
And for any potential wage gap deniers reading this: no, that doesn't mean that women's wage inequality can be chalked up to our reluctance to ask for what we want and isn't a symptom of large-scale gender inequality. Just because "ask and ye shall receive" has worked for me, doesn't mean that it's not the job of employers to create an environment that makes women feel comfortable asking. And it certainly doesn't always mean that I'm going to be told yes every time or that someone will less privilege than me won't be told no, an unfortunate truth that I'm no stranger to.
Asking for what we want at work is not the end-all be-all solution to working women's woes. But it can certainly help. In order to help your employer value you as an employee, you have to, too. The surge of confidence required to ask for the pay I deserved for the side projects I took on this summer didn't happen until I pumped myself up with a pep talk about my professional self-worth. My employers depended on me for services that they couldn't get anywhere else. If you provide a skill to your employer that they'd be hard-pressed finding someone else to do (or do as well as you), have taken on additional responsibilities or have been employed with them for a while, those are all things to walk up during the tough "please pay me more" conversation.
Even if your employer is technically yourself, like if you're a small business owner, the same applies when talking to customers about pricing for your products. As someone who's worked for a few small businesses and patronized even more, I've seen customers rudely interrogate business owners about why they choose to price their goods or services the way they do. The same logic applies.
Valuing the skills that we provide becomes especially essential in an increasingly technology-based world, where employers (read: often older people) rely on individuals (read: often young people, or the ever-elusive "Millennial") to bring their social media and tech savvy to the table. Because our older counterparts who are often times the ones signing our checks don't understand the nature of the unique skills we provide, and because these sorts of communications jobs are dominated by women, they also tend to be underpaid.
As much as I don't think we should take on the task of developing our self-worth for the sole purpose of capitalist gain, we all need to make a living. This message shouldn't be misconstrued to equate self-worth with net worth, and there are certainly more factors than an underestimation of our professional value that prevents women from asking for what they deserve. I certainly haven't reached a point where I feel totally comfortable talking to my bosses about money, but I've at least gotten to the point where I don't allow myself to avoid the hard conversations with excuses about being content with being underpaid. I'll still walk into my bosses office with butterflies in my stomach the next time I ask for a raise, but that doesn't mean that I won't come articulately prepared with all the reasons why I should be paid more.
