Is Self Tanning Dangerous?

8 Narcissistic Thoughts You Definitely Have As An Avid Self-Tanner

Self-tan, also known as the knockoff version of actually going outside when the sun is out.


Hi my name is Emily and I am an avid self-tanner. While typically admitting is the first step to solving the problem, I can say with certainty that my self-tanning habits are not actually problematic. My show of the summer is decisively "100% Hotter" in which three stylists take in the UK's most aggressively overdressed and give them make-unders with the goal of doubling their public rating.

Every other person the Style Team works with on the show has the problem of "uses too much fake tan" and while at first, I panicked thinking I would have to do some self-aware remodeling, I realized very quickly that my habits were not even close to warranting my nomination for the show (they made one woman try to paint a wall with her weekly amount of fake tanning lotion and she painted the whole thing).

While I have never and will definitely never get that bad, I also have such a problem with looking like Oliver Twist (not a child actor living large in 2005 Hollywood, by the way, but a Vitamin D deprived boy on the streets of England circa 1830). And so, while so many of the make-under cases quit fake tanning cold turkey, I persist and continue to swear by my Neutrogena micromist spray.

I'm definitely not the only self-tanner, I might be one of the most narcissistic. Even so, I'm really just here to say what we're all thinking.

1. I still have to rub in the spray, don’t I?

Splotchy to smooth!

Emily Sharp

The big selling point of self-tanning sprays are that it's no rub and goes on all over.

This is a lie.

Of course you have to rub in fake tan! Otherwise you have one clean line of blinding pale skin down your leg, drawing the eyes away from your gorgeous new glow towards The One Area That Got Away.

2. What am I going to wear tomorrow that this won’t ruin?

One of the many heavy tanners on "100% Hotter" who complained that it would get all over her clothes.

You really can't wear white for a few days after you self-tan because even though it "dries" in "5 minutes" (not true, by the way) that doesn't stop the tan from rubbing off on everything you own for a soft 2-4 business days.

3. Did I get my back well? Do I really care about my back?

The only time I've seen an even back self-tan.

Somethings in this life are just out of our reach, like marrying into the British Royal Family if you're a late-Millennial/ Gen Z-er or the center of one's back when you're self-tanning. The smartest thing to do in situations like these when you realize your shortcomings is, despite every motivational speech ever, to just give up. Cut your losses. No one has really cared about others' backs since Caesar and Brutus.

4. Oh no… Now I have to switch my workout class


My biggest fear in this lifetime (ps this is exaggerated) is working out too soon after I tan and having the sweat lines branded into my face. There's a very delicate art to scheduling both spin classes and fake tans so that one does not impede the full effects of the other, and sometimes it hits you as you're rubbing in your legs that you're signed up to ride at 9 am the next day... and that just won't do.

5. I should make a playlist for doing this

I almost exclusively self-tan late right before bed so that the chemicals I'm rubbing into my skin will work their magic while I sleep and I can wake up glowing. Even if I didn't tan in the dark of night when everyone within a 20 mile radius is dead asleep, self-tanning is a very personal task and it can get a bit lonely.

6. This is such a good playlist for doing this!

She did that.

I 100% took my own advice and made a mix of soft tunes to keep me company

7. Wow, this takes so long to dry

Selfie I took recently

Every bottle of self-tanner promotes that it is super quick drying, taking only 5 minutes then you can put your clothes back on!


Let's be real here: it's 5 minutes of standing under an overhead fan before you grow frustrated and turn to setting your hairdryer on cool and hovering it over your skin while you stare into the void.

8. Did I put on too much?

Just so we're clear: the answer to this is pretty much always "yes" so the smart thing to do a couple of hours after your tan (ex. if you tan at night, when you wake up in the morning) is to shower the excess off. This also allows you to scrub off any splotchy spots too before you ever see the general public light of day.

Cover Image Credit:

Warner Bros. TV

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9 Reasons Crocs Are The Only Shoes You Need

Crocs have holes so your swag can breathe.

Do you have fond childhood objects that make you nostalgic just thinking about your favorite Barbie or sequenced purse? Well for me, its my navy Crocs. Those shoes put me through elementary school. I eventually wore them out so much that I had to say goodbye. I tried Airwalks and sandals, but nothing compared. Then on my senior trip in New York City, a four story Crocs store gleamed at me from across the street and I bought another pair of Navy Blue Crocs. The rest is history. I wear them every morning to the lake for practice and then throughout the day to help air out my soaking feet. I love my Crocs so much, that I was in shock when it became apparent to me that people don't feel the same. Here are nine reasons why you should just throw out all of your other shoes and settle on Crocs.

1. They are waterproof.

These bad boys can take on the wettest of water. Nobody is sure what they are made of, though. The debate is still out there on foam vs. rubber. You can wear these bad boys any place water may or may not be: to the lake for practice or to the club where all the thirsty boys are. But honestly who cares because they're buoyant and water proof. Raise the roof.

2. Your most reliable support system

There is a reason nurses and swimming instructors alike swear by Crocs. Comfort. Croc's clogs will make you feel like your are walking on a cloud of Laffy Taffy. They are wide enough that your toes are not squished, and the rubbery material forms perfectly around your foot. Added bonus: The holes let in a nice breeze while riding around on your Razor Scooter.

3. Insane durability

Have you ever been so angry you could throw a Croc 'cause same? Have you ever had a Croc bitten while wrestling a great white shark? Me too. Have you ever had your entire foot rolled like a fruit roll up but had your Crocs still intact? Also me. All I know is that Seal Team 6 may or may not have worn these shoes to find and kill Osama Bin Laden. Just sayin'.

4. Bling, bling, bling

Jibbitz, am I right?! These are basically they're own money in the industry of comfortable footwear. From Spongebob to Christmas to your favorite fossil, Jibbitz has it all. There's nothing more swag-tastic than pimped out crocs. Lady. Killer.

5. So many options

From the classic clog to fashionable sneakers, Crocs offer so many options that are just too good to pass up on. They have fur lined boots, wedges, sandals, loafers, Maryjane's, glow in the dark, Minion themed, and best of all, CAMO! Where did your feet go?!

6. Affordable

Crocs: $30

Feeling like a boss: Priceless

7. Two words: Adventure Straps

Because you know that when you move the strap from casual mode chillin' in the front to behind the heal, it's like using a shell on Mario Cart.

8. Crocs cares

Okay, but for real, Crocs is a great company because they have donated over 3 million pairs of crocs to people in need around the world. Move over Toms, the Croc is in the house.

9. Stylish AF

The boys will be coming for you like Steve Irwin.

Who cares what the haters say, right? Wear with pride, and go forth in style.

Cover Image Credit: Chicago Tribune

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11 Songs That I Haven't Been Able To Get Out Of My Head, And You Won't, Either

Finals is coming and these are the songs I keep on repeat.



1. "Goodbye Again" by Vertical Horizon

2. "Slip The Noose" by The Maine

3. "Cool" by The Jonas Brothers

4. "Broken Horse" by Freelance Whales

5. "Street Map" by Athlete

6. "All Eternal Things" by Trembling Blue Stars

7. "Don't Cry" by Emarosa

8. "Turn My Back" by Mayday Parade

9. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot

10. "It's Tricky" by Run DMC

11. "Kiss Quick" by Matt Nathanson

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