Recently I haven't fully been myself.
Yes, this may seem like a strange thing to write, but it's true. I used to be more concerned with my happiness then I currently am. I focused on self-love and preached appreciation of self to all my friends. I thought I had achieved this nirvana. Turns out I am very good at fooling myself.
Now, I'm not saying that I haven't been happy, because I 1000% have been so happy in these past months, what I mean is, I'm more focused on that self-love aspect.
So, here's the thing, its simple, you can either love yourself, or you can pick yourself apart.
What I've learned is that I started to rip myself apart piece by piece, like I was one of those fragments of paper that get left behind when you tear a sheet from a spiral notebook. For so long I was comfortable in my body and I accepted who I was, then I started feeling like I wasn't enough.
This is quite a slippery slope to fall down, yes I know. We can't always control these thoughts and emotions. It's that pesky little devil on your shoulder that seems to outtalk the angel. We listen and devour every word.
Here I am, wanting so much to love myself, but I am aware that this isn't an overnight switch.
I know the changes I need to make, the ones I want so desperately to make. I want to learn, I want to put in the effort and gain so much knowledge it overwhelms my brain. I want to rekindle my love for writing.
As of late, my writing has somewhat plunged off the deep end. I just don't crave words as I once did, although this hunger is returning. I am determined to become healthier, mind and body. Finding my inner peace and once again learning to love every ounce of my being, because if I won't, who will?
Everyone has slumps. We all know what it is like to lose motivation and the pursuit of what we want.
I have let this go on for too long! I refuse to sit passenger as I let some piece of me chip away at the remains. I will no longer be carved by what others want of me, but by the choices I make for myself. I am happy and I know that loving myself will come back to me. Even writing this now I feel determined, and more at peace with myself for just putting these words onto a page. Find your love and hold onto it tightly.