When You Love Yourself First, Everything Else Falls Into Place

When You Love Yourself First, Everything Else Falls Into Place

Self-Love Is The Best Love
"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” — Buddha

Self-love is a concept that I believe has grown in popularity over time, especially in this last year. It is probably one of the most challenging concepts to grasp as well because people are so critical of themselves that they forget that loving who they are is OK and it is much needed. I personally believe that in order to be loved by someone else, you have to first learn to love and accept yourself and all your flaws, hence the term "self-love."

Most people try to fill this void by searching for love and attention from others, which is the worst way to do it, but we have all been there. I know I have and it is so easy to get sucked back into that place, but you have to constantly remind yourself that you cannot search for love in other things or people. I recently saw a post by someone that read "Self-love, self-respect, and self-worth. There is a reason why they all start with self, you cannot find them in anyone else" and it really struck a nerve with me because of how accurate it is. We seek all of these things, but forget that we have to look at ourselves for the answers, not others.

Now, self-love looks different for every individual. For some people, it could mean going to the gym every day. For others, it could mean letting go of toxic people in your life. The end result is the same, however, which is doing things to make YOURSELF unbelievably happy and not anyone else.

You could even make the attempt to talk about yourself in a positive light and be more conscious of the way you speak about and to others. The way you love yourself should be no different than the love and attention you give to others in your life.

Once you start to develop self-love, the less you will turn to others for instant gratification. The only love and acceptance you truly need are from yourself because that's all that matters at the end of the day. Whether or not other people do shouldn't matter. As the lovely Buddha once said, you deserve your own love and affection just as much as anyone else, so don't ever feel guilty about doing so.

Of course, there are going to be some days where you may find it difficult to love yourself. We all have our fair share of ups and downs, but that's OK. You aren't perfect and no one is, but you can forgive yourself and simply focus on the little things. You have the ultimate power to do whatever you want with the one life you were given and can change it at any minute. So, remember to cut yourself some slack once in a while and embrace the person you are and the person you will be as you continue to grow every single day.

Cover Image Credit: Brooke Tominey

Popular Right Now

Coloring Outside Of Society's Lines

Staying inside the lines will only get you so far

Art Class in second grade: “Scott, make sure you color inside the lines, you don’t want people to think you’re sloppy.”

My response: “But I’m looking at this drawing as a big picture and I don’t want people to just focus on what’s inside the lines… there is so much more to it.”

Teacher response: “Well, do as I say or you not going out for recess.”

My response: “Yes, Ma’am,” yet I proceed to color outside the lines, running the risk of losing precious recess time and the glory of two-hand touch football.

Ever since I can remember I have been told by people what I should be in society, and that I should live my life in accordance to a certain set of rules. A second-grade teacher criticizing me about coloring, or a business professor telling me I must attend some career fair if I ever hope to land a job.

Many people are quick to throw their two cents in. While reflecting all the way back to elementary school, and my resistance to color inside the lines, I realize that it wasn’t because I wasn’t able, it was because I wanted to do my own thing and showcase creativity.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where creativity is pushed to the side, it’s all about practicality and doing everything so that you can get a job the second you graduate college and make money. This mentality starts with middle school kids.

I remember when we would write down what we wanted when we grew up and the overwhelming majority of kids would write, “I want to make a lot of money and have a nice car.” Then in high school it was, “I want to get a good job right out of college.”

Okay…Well that’s great, but what about actually pursuing something greater than the status quo? Why is it that everyone seems to have an overwhelming desire to scramble around to find a job right out of college just to satisfy your extended family at Christmastime?

Parents and guardians have stressed the importance of school and being successful so much that we lose sight of what we really want to do in life. It is safe to coast through school and get an accounting or business job and make “good money.” And there is nothing wrong with that.

But what about those of us who want something more out of life? What if we want to make a significant impact in the world? Is it wrong that we don’t want a job that entails us sitting in a chair from 9-5 saying, “Hello,” to some wealthy old man over the phone looking for a new stock to buy? Is that so wrong of us to want something more out of life rather than spending our days helping a rich man get richer?

People always tell us to go for our dreams, but if you stick around, most of the time they say, “As long as you make a good living and can have a respectable life.” What is a respectable life? Furthermore, who are you to tell me what a respectable life is? I’m sorry but I didn’t realize there was only one path to a “successful life,” If that’s the case then I don’t want to be “successful.”

Going for a dream is a scary thing. That’s why society tends to steer us towards the direction of the safe route, because taking the road less traveled leads to an unknown destination. No one knows where it leads and that’s frightening. But that’s also the best part about it. You know where the beaten path goes, you can see what’s at the end, but the road less traveled could have something a hundred times better. It’s a risk that you have to take, and most people do not like to take risks that big in their life, even though school and social media emphasize taking risks to succeed.

The risks those people are talking about are the kind that don’t really have the potential to impact your life, so hence it’s not really a risk, but more a calculated decision. But it sounds like risk, so you can post on social media about how much of a risk-taker you are and brag to your friends that you are a big time boss and shot-caller. Yet when push comes to shove, those people will end up going along the path heavily traveled due to the lack of clarity the second path has to offer.

Think of life like the scenario I mentioned at the beginning of this piece: if you always color inside the lines, you will have a nice quality picture complete with respectable colors and neatness. Yes, the end result looks good.

But if you start coloring outside the lines, you will start to add to the basic drawing, instead of the picture as one tree, you can draw an entire forest complete with bugs, small animals, dew drops, moss, etc. You start to add your own personal perspective to the picture add make it better then it originally was. You really leave your own mark on the picture and it inspires others when they look at it, rather than another boring standard one.

That’s what living outside of society’s lines will do for you. Sure, it’s a risk and at first it might look like you’re a fool who doesn’t know how to color properly. However, as time marches on and you continue to color on your life’s drawing, what will begin to appear on the page is unlike anything anyone has ever seen before and because of that people are attracted to it and inspired by it.

Now the same people that looked at you as a fool who couldn’t color are now looking to you as an inspiration and an innovator. It’s all because when you were confronted with a choice, you ignored the status quo path with a “respectable prize” at the end, and went for the second path. You took the path that you were unsure of, not knowing what was waiting for you at the end. You took a risk in the name of wanting something more than just “a respectable life for yourself.”

It’s not an easy task going your own way in the world we live in today, especially with the boastful and opinionated nature of 21st century humans. But, at some point you have to really ask yourself, do I want to live my life for other people, or do I want to live life for me?

The answer to that question cannot be verbalized. It will show through your actions and the decisions that you make on a daily basis. Any fool can post on social media how they are a risk-taker, yet it takes a true pioneer to follow through and forgo the allure of modern-day respectability in order to go for something greater.

Cover Image Credit: Zainab Aamir

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

In A Life Without Limitation The Only Thing Holding You Back Is You

The wall between the goal you are trying to achieve and the mental capacity of getting up and making it happen is the ONLY thing stopping you.

Isn’t it incredible that life is limitless? No, but really just think about that statement for a second.


That’s a broad word, some may say. And others may question that statement considering their inability to fly or read minds.

So okay sure, maybe to say life has no limits on us can seem very risky to some people, but I would argue that it is only because the meaning could somehow be considered vulnerable of unknown potential.

This brings me back to the point I made about reading minds and physically ‘flying’. I will say no, right now there is no way to dig into someone’s thoughts or to physically fly. But think about how far we’ve technologically advanced since the first decade of this universe. Someone did in fact create planes that ‘fly’ people from one place to another, and we did in fact have an individual who flew to the moon and then in the midst of space because of gravity.

So, half my point is who’s to say one day a very curious and determined individual will find a way to read a persons’ mind or make one capable of flying?

My bigger point to life being limitless is that it is all a matter of what you are willing to put in when you want to get something done.

I have heard this general idea in many ways, but ever since the first time I heard someone simply say, “if there’s a will, there’s a way” to depict the idea that anything you want to do in this life is possible as long as you persevere upon what’s necessary to get there, it’s stuck with me.

Look, the fact of the reality is that if you want something, I mean really want something--whether it may be wealth, fame, to be the strongest, to be the fastest, to get good grades, to obtain any type of material success, hell to even be the best at whatever it may be--the journey is not going to be a breeze. And believe me when I say you will not be the only one on this journey nor will everyone you encounter have your best intentions at heart.

People are going TO WANT to see you fail, people are going to tell you that YOU CAN’T DO SOMETHING, they are going to push you until you bend, test your mental strength, play unfair, discourage you, pray to see you fall, and at times they WILL WIN. But one thing that will always stand true is if the world is against you but you will not allow it to discourage you, you are secure with what you want and you are on the road of getting it, and being aware of how much time and effort it is going to take, you will succeed.

It is all mental.

The wall between the goal you are trying to achieve and the mental capacity of getting up and making it happen is the ONLY thing stopping you.

So screw the “I’m tired”, the “I’ll start tomorrow”, the “maybe next time”, the “I CAN’T”.

Enough. Because I can assure you when you’re sitting back thinking all this and feeling sorry for yourself, there is someone with less resources than you busting their butt to get to the point that you are not self-disciplined enough to get to.

To be a dreamer in this world of possibilities is a beautiful thing, but do not waste it with a weak mindset that is only content with the idea of doing great things.

One day you're going to look back on how far you've come, all the people who doubted you, and all the days you wanted to quit, but you didn't let it stop you; none of it matters anymore, you've made it.

I guess all that's really been stopping you was you. So enough already and make it happen.

Cover Image Credit: pexels

Related Content

Facebook Comments