Self-love is harder than ever. Trends like #wokeuplikethis, the rising pressure to get postgraduate degrees, and the lack of safe spaces anywhere on the Internet for marginalized groups are just the tip of the iceberg. It's a radical choice to say "I love myself" in the barrage of messages about how we're not good enough that the media, fashion retailers, celebrities, politicians, etc are constantly throwing at us. Also, that's not even taking into account negative influences on the individual and community level. Toxic relationships, abusive managers, schoolyard bullies, etc. are all very real occupational hazards that come along with life on Earth.
However, I would never go so far as to say self-love is impossible. Most of the time. Everyone struggles with it sometimes even if they don't show it on their highlight reel. Otherwise, psychology would have already analyzed them down to their individual neurons, the mass media would misunderstand and overstate their findings, and I would track down the original paper in an attempt to translate it into college-level English for the purpose of this post. So I want you to remember that it's okay to feel dejected and underwhelmed by yourself sometimes. One of my favorite wellness bloggers who's always keeping it real (read: authentic) on her Instagram page likes to call it "wanting to unsubscribe from yourself."
We all make mistakes because none of us are perfect and occasionally they make us question ourselves, and I think this can actually be a great thing if done properly. Questioning yourself leads to growth and change if you let it be a positive thing, but that's for another post!
Self-love is a daily choice that we make not in spite, but in light, of all the things that challenge us. Some days it seems like the most obvious choice and some days it feels out of reach no matter how hard you try. Or weeks, months, and maybe even years. I have struggled with self-love a lot over my life for a variety of reasons I won't go into for now, but I will say I've seen my potential change so much at each stage.
The thing is if you don't love and accept yourself at least to some extent; you'll never reach your dreams. It's sort of like how they say self-doubt is the killer for creativity, but it can apply to anything. How are you supposed to get on the yoga mat if you think you're ungraceful and weak? How are you supposed to experiment in the kitchen if you think your food tastes like dishwater? The list goes on. That's why it's worth making the strides towards self-love if you're able. You can only realize the goals you see yourself worthy and capable of accomplishing. Otherwise, it's like trying to drive a car with no gas in its engine.
Now, I want to remind you of what I said before so there aren't any misunderstandings. Blips in self-love are normal and OK. Those who struggle with their mental health may face even larger struggles. That doesn't mean you can't do anything. To an extent, you can fake it until you make it, and if you love yourself at least a little, you can ride the wave for a little while when things start to drag. This is also when support systems can come into play and be the strength you may not have at the moment.
There just has to be something there to begin with. Even if it's the tiniest notion that you're valuable even in the smallest of ways, that's enough. Now, I bet you're wondering how to build self-love in the first place. Stay tuned for next week's post where I will discuss some things that worked for me, some things that psychology says will work, and maybe some bonuses from the badass ladies I follow on Instagram.
