The first time I heard the term "self-care" was when I was sixteen. It was introduced to me by my therapist at the time when she asked me what activities or things, I did to help soothe myself during spells of sadness or anxiety. I realized that most of the time, I just wallowed and laid in bed, instead of doing things to feel better.
As a teenager, my self-care activities were a checklist of: take a bubble bath, put on a face mask, or spend time with my mom. My daily routine of school, work and homework kept me moving most of the day to check off every item of my list of responsibilities—which at the time, was rather simple. My life revolved around going to school Monday through Friday, routinely eating every meal at the same times, coming home to do the same basic chores and going to bed at roughly the same time every night.
Self-care changes as we grow older. Shifting from a daily routine in high school to the challenges (and freedom) of adulthood has taught me so much about what self-care really means, especially as I cope with my continuous mental health journey. I can't tell you the last time I ignored my responsibilities to take a bubble bath instead or had the time or desire to sit with a sticky face mask on.
The past months have been more difficult in my personal life, and I've found myself learning that facing my day is a challenge in itself. When I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings, I practice self-talk in order just to take a shower and eat breakfast, because I know if I can accomplish those small things that they may get me going for a more positive day. When I have free time, I make an effort to stay up and active in order to be productive.
My favorite self-care now is cleaning my house, tending to the backyard, going through things to give to goodwill, or going grocery shopping. Let me be clear: I don't normally enjoy doing these things, but I do find solace in the feeling of accomplishment afterwards—the feeling of "I'm so glad I got this done today."
Relief of responsibilities is my new self-care. The lighter load on my back is how I keep myself going now. Some days are still difficult. I could easily stay in bed all day, skip meals and disassociate from the world around me, but I know from experience that it will just make me feel worse. Taking a nap when I don't need one or going back to bed in the middle of the afternoon is not taking care of myself—it is self-sabotage. Ignoring the things that need to be done because they're not enjoyable is not a productive or happy life.
Self-care does not have to be a selfish activity that wastes time or ignores responsibility, it is the act of taking care of yourself and needs first.
