Self-acceptance is the good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes though, life speeds along like a runaway train on rickety tracks it is not easy to keep up with what is going in your life, even of what you tolerate and do not tolerate. There is the experience and abrasions from hard earned grit to begin to really know.

Life isn't too pretty, but it can be made into something beautiful once you have a clear vision of who you are.

Recently, I have come to terms about things about myself that disturbed me. It really shouldn't be a surprise; my habits and characteristics have been around me my whole life.

I am not always friendly, generous, aware, or calm. On the other hand, I do know that I am not a liar, a manipulator, or totally unaware.

Reaching full self-acceptance takes time.

In my own experience, I felt required to decide on my own actions in the moment. For instance, I know I will never be a patient person. It's one of the main reasons why I get into so much trouble. Because I know I will never be patient, that does not mean that I will never work on this characteristic. Whatever I do and say is all based on the introspection I make on myself. Before I ever make a decision, or even open my mouth, I try to think about how I would feel when something happens, or when someone says that very thing I am about to say.

A productive way of having self-acceptance is by knowing who you are, who you are not, and who you will never be.

By knowing these things, there are good and bad qualities to keep in mind of. If something triggers me or something happens and I have a strong opinion of it, I go to my journal. I write down what I am, what I am not, and/or who I will never be.

I will never accept things as they are and even some things about myself. I have always figured that I should just "go with the flow" and not make things into a big deal if I was not cool with it. I have come to realize that I'm better off speaking up for myself and walking away from things that I am not willing to "go with the flow" .

In one instance, my first date with a guy involved him bringing his two-foot bong and smoking it in my room. If anyone really knows me, or even just glances at me, I am not one that smokes pot on the regular. I was polite though and thought it was fine that he kept smoking, even in the car, before we went out to eat somewhere, and even in the mornings. I eventually discovered that I was not cool with it and disturbed me. I should have just walked away. I did say something eventually, but it should have been a lot sooner. Things would he probably turned out better if I decided to no longer date the guy. But, I wanted to be "chill," polite, patient, and sweet. At the end, the relationship flopped and I was glad it was over.

I collected data on myself and found out what I could never be, and that was not ever being "chill." There are standards that should be upheld with good reason. There is always a choice to walk away from something but it comes at the expense of losing something you value in the present moment. In the grand scheme of things, walking away or just saying no is the best decision to make.

There are some qualities and characteristics I still need to polish on. I want to have an open heart and an open mind, but with a set of standards that I do not want to neglect.