How A Security Blanket Can Become An Insecurity Blanket

How A Security Blanket Can Become An Insecurity Blanket

The more we rely on a security blanket, the more insecure we become.

For as long as I can remember, I have had long hair. I can only recall one phase from when I was around the age of four when Matilda, Dora and I all shared a similar hairstyle: straight, dark brown, cut to the shoulders and finished off with eyebrow-length bangs.

What a look.

Since then, my hair has gone from long, longer to longest. When you've had long hair for the majority of your existence, people begin associating this feature with you; it becomes part of your identity, both internally and externally.

The reality is that we as humans tend to attach ourselves and our identity to physical entities, a.k.a security blankets or comfort objects.

I have found that there is great irony in this because the more we rely on a security blanket, the more insecure we often become. The problem with this increasing reliance is that once the entity ceases to be or is taken away from us, we are left to push through a minor (and sometimes major) identity crisis.

This attachment can be to a teddy bear, a special blanket, a scarf, a piece of jewelry, you name it. If you have something tangible in your life that you feel you would be insecure, incomplete or unrecognizable without and you fully depend on it to make you feel a certain way (hidden, comforted, protected, confident, etc..) chances are that it has become a security blanket.

These objects provide us with the psychological comfort that we innately desire. Throughout childhood, we naturally attach ourselves to the blankets, toys or stuffed animals that we were given as infants.

While I do believe it is important to have a source of comfort or security, and I absolutely acknowledge that there are certain circumstances where these objects are necessary and immeasurably helpful, being able to seek comfort from within is a transformative skill that can catapult us into an unexplored realm of self-reliance.

One of the first steps in detaching from these objects is recognizing that we can experience the same security and strength without the comfort objects as we once experienced with them. The power to feel this comfort is within and we were the ones providing that solace all along; the tangible items were just there to help us hone this skill.

Last month, a friend asked me if I would ever cut my hair. I immediately replied by saying oh no, my long hair makes me who I am. I wouldn't recognize myself without it. It's an extension of my personality!

Red flag.

I kept rationalizing that I ought to keep my hair long and wild while I'm young because one day when I have an established career, I'll need a professional-looking hairstyle that's more manageable and tame.

None of these thoughts have any validity but for whatever reason, I felt it necessary to try and negate the truth of the matter which was that my hair had become my comfort object. It had become something that I felt I could not identify without.

I would constantly think to myself that long, wavy, messy hair is what defines me.

Another red flag.

Eventually, enough red flags went up that I decided to throw up a white flag.

The flag of surrender: I cut my hair.

To some, this may seem like a non-event and in reality, that's exactly what it ended up being.

Six inches are now missing from my hair but to nobody's surprise, my personality and identity are still intact no less than what they were pre-haircut.

If anything, decreasing the length of my hair only increased what I felt I was capable of and gave me a newfound pep in my step.

Detaching from our attachments frees us.

We can't let our dependence on these security blankets cause us to feel more insecure when we find ourselves without them.

Understand that we are infinitely capable beings with or without the help of a comfort object.

Cover Image Credit: Sophia Winter

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To The Girl Who's Lonely, It's Time To Recognize Your Worth

Your value is not based on what other people think of you.

Dear Lonely Girl,

You are not alone. I know it's hard, and we all feel lonely sometimes. We don't always do well at taking care of each other, and we start to question our self-worth. Please know that you are more than enough just by being you.

It's OK to be lonely. Nothing is wrong with you because you want to be around other people or you're hoping for someone to love you in the way you wish they would. I pray that you find the strength to take care of yourself despite any unfulfilled hopes and desires. Don't rely on other people for your happiness.

Unfortunately, you will be disappointed. People are imperfect. Find the beauty in the things that surround you and what you're doing each day.

There is so much in the rollercoaster of life that makes living colorful. Remember that there are aspects of life that matter to you and things you are passionate about. Continue to work to be inspired. There's some beauty in loneliness. You might come to discover more about yourself than you initially thought you could. Know that someone out there cares about you, even if human beings are imperfect in expressing love.

I hope that you have even one person that you connect with that cares about you.

Your value is not based on what other people think of you.

Your identity is so much more than that.

Treat yourself well. Life is too short - you should be collecting experiences. Even if it's by yourself, go to that movie. Take the road trip. Go find out something about yourself that you may not discover another way. Just because someone has not expressed an undying devotion to you does not mean all hope is lost. You are still beautiful. You have thoughts and ideas that matter. Your struggles, hopes, and dreams deserve to be known. If today was hard, tomorrow will be better.

Feeling lonely is a little easier if you like being with yourself. I hope that you can see your self-worth and beauty as much as those who love you can.

This letter is as much to you as it is to myself.


A girl who's also lonely sometimes

Cover Image Credit: @hellodarlingblog

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6 Things You Can Do Right Now To Get Your Shit Together

Don't just buy the planner, use it.

If you clicked on this article, you're probably expecting advice on how to get your life together from someone who has their life together. Well, your expectations are mostly correct. We're on this journey of self-care, wellness, and organization together. My life isn't all that together, but these are six things that I try to keep up with, and even if I stray from this path sometimes, I promise this is still good advice.

1. Get a planner.

Planners are hands down one of the easiest ways to keep track of things that you have going on in your day to day life. I would be so lost without mine.

2. Use that planner.

Just because you have a planner doesn't mean your life is suddenly going to become organized. You have to take the time to fill it out. I recommend getting a different color for each thing you put in there. For example, I use black ink for classes, red ink for due dates, blue ink for plans and events, and green ink for work.

3. Actually get ready in the morning.

Trust me, I know this is easier said than done as sweats and t-shirt are my go-to every morning. However, I've always been told, if you look good, you feel good. Now, this isn't to say you always have to be dressed to the nines, but it might give you a confidence and a motivation boost if you dress to impress from time to time.

4. Try to let go of your bad habits and create good habits.

Bad habits can be hard to break, and good ones can be even harder to start. However, it takes about three weeks of doing something for it to become a habit, so challenge yourself to work good habits into your life.

5. Drink more water.

Most of the people who either have their life together or are attempting to get their life together drink a lot of water. I use the iHydrate app to keep track of my water intake and I try to have water with me wherever I go. Instead of asking for a pop (sorry, I'm from the midwest), ask for a water. Your body will thank you and it's free at most, if not all restaurants.

6. Exercise

Exercise is good for the mind, body, and soul. No matter how much or how little you do, just doing the act of doing it is enough. Everyone has got to start somewhere. Plus, you'll definitely look and feel like your life is together even if it's not there yet.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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