New year, new me, right? Well at least for the first week of January. After that, it’s back to old habits and the same ol’ stuff we hated ourselves for in December.
1. “New phone, who dis?”
Every year there’s always people leaving so-and-so behind. You promised yourself you were going to ditch the deadbeat that never answers your calls or texts unless it’s passed 11 p.m., yet, here you are…answering the “wyd” text at 11:01 p.m.
2. New hair, new me.
With a new haircut and a new color, we are considered new people…right?
3. Pump the iron.
For the first week of January, every gym in the world packed. Literally, every treadmill and machine in the place is taken. You put on all the new workout gear you got for Christmas and you sign up for the cheapest gym you can find. As the week goes on, more and more treadmills become available. Then Sunday comes around and there you are, on your couch watching reruns not giving a crap about what cardio machine is open.
4. “My diet starts tomorrow.”
Jan. 1 is the start to most people’s diet. The fridge is stacked with celery and the pantries are stacked with rice cakes. On Jan. 1 at around 7 p.m., give or take, mostly everyone’s diet is over. After the pint of ice cream, usually the phrase “I’ll start tomorrow” is repeated over and over again. All week long. All year long.
5. Get ‘er done. No more procrastination.
New page in the agenda book means a clean slate to the year. After winter break is when everyone is so ready to organize their life and get on top of school work. Until the first day of classes - then you remember why you didn’t do it last year.
6. “I’m never drinking again.”
It’s a lie literally everyone tells themselves.
7. Stop blowing money.
Sew the hole in your pocket where your money is supposed to be and save for something other than “really cute accessories for VW Beetle." Don’t be shy, we know what you search.
8. Go to bed earlier.
You’re tired all day long and then you jump in bed to go to sleep and suddenly 800 million things pop in your head and before you know it, your alarm is going off. Maybe we should save this resolution for 2020. Maybe then they will have something invented; like a switch for our brains.
9. Less social media, more "social butterfly."
"For my resolution, I'm going to cut back on social media." It's a cyclical thing. Wake up, check Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat and then, finally the day can begin. You say you aren't going to Tweet as much, you say you're going to stop posting selfies every Sunday and I think I remember hearing you say you were going to stop posting every move you make on your Snapchat story, but...yeah, it just isn’t going to happen. This calls for a redo. But you'll probably redo the redo. Social media rocks. How else am I going to find out what Becky ordered from Starbucks?
10. Be a better person
This one has no joke behind it. Just do it.
So, now that January is almost over, can we redo 2016 and try again?
