Seasonal Depression Is More Than Just Feeling Sad

SAD and I go hand in hand. He's my old friend. He affects me every damn time it gets dark early and cold.

I don't want to do anything except sleep. I barely get up for classes. Once I get home from classes, I take a "nap" for 3-4 hours; almost missing whatever I have to do next. I don't wake up to my 10,000 alarms I set every time I take my short nap. I am irritable, angry, and just simply not myself. I forget things easily. The other day I forgot what time my class started, which I have had 2 days a week for the past 2 months. I forget about assignments, and if I do them they're half-assed. SAD affects me in way too many ways. It changes me into another person. It is a real thing and affects those of us who already have depression.

Depression changes you into a lifeless thing that only sleeps. It takes everything you have and keeps it for itself. It will still let you laugh and have fun, but when you're in the moment it will remind you that you're exhausted and you should just go back to sleep. It will try to convince you that you have no friends, that no one cares about you, that you're useless. It will tell you that you have no future, that you should just give up now. It will try and make you think of "what ifs"' and they're never the good what ifs.

I try and drink soda to keep me awake, I try to get more sleep than normal at night, I try everything I could possibly think of and yet here I am. I procrastinated writing any article because I had no ideas and no motivation to actually write anything.

If you know someone who is like this, you need to understand but also push them. My friend pushes me to get out of bed and do things, my boyfriend comes to my apartment to wake me up when I tell him I'm taking a nap before class. I need this extra help, and so do others. Sometimes I get angry thinking, what the fuck why can't you just let me be. But then I remember they care about me. Depression is a fucking asshole, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. But if you know someone who's acting like this, or has diagnosed depression help them. They might hate you at the moment, but they will eventually thank you.

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