Everyone has their own definition of masculinity and what it entails. I have created my personal criteria for determining what exactly makes a man masculine and the book Season Of Life only complements my ideas. I read this book about five years ago when I was still playing football and I just finished it again recently. It's one of those few books I just can't put down. It changed me.
Jeffrey Marx, author of Season Of Life
Jeffrey Marx's Season Of Life tells the true story of the author's experiences being surrounded by Joe Ehrmann, a former defensive end for the Baltimore Colts and his football team that he coaches at Gilman High School in Baltimore, Maryland. The story chronicles much of Marx's life, from his childhood working as a ball boy at Colts practices, to his observing the 2001 Gilman football team interact with one another and exemplify the morality this book teaches.
Joe Ehrmann, then and now
But Season Of Life is astoundingly deep and touches on heavier subjects than your typical flat football story or coming-of-age novel. This book brings up several prominent notions such as empathy playing a vital role towards resolving conflict, how to love others, and the significance and relevance of being a man built for others. These life lessons, if you will, are practiced by the coaches and players of the Gilman football team, both on and off the field. That's right, loving the other men you suit up with is an important part of playing football. These lessons work both ways though; what you do in football can be applied to other areas of your life.
There are three major myths about masculinity:
1) Athletic ability
Some believe that what makes a man is how good he is at sports. Having big muscles and athletic skill may be impressive but it doesn't have a lick to do with being a man.
2) Sexual conquest
Another myth about masculinity is that the more girls you woo and turn into sexual partners, the cooler and more masculine a guy you are. This is in the "what can I physically get out of this girl" sense. It makes you a user, not a man, when you approach women like this. Whether you've slept with twenty girls or are still awaiting your first kiss, seeking girls and getting them to sleep with you doesn't have anything to do with how much of a man you are. Unfortunately, I fell victim to this myth for far too long, believing the false social message I'd hear from peers that if I was going to be a man, I had to get with as many women as possible.
3) Money/Economic Success
The last myth about masculinity is that the more money, prestige, and wealth you have, the more of a man you are. Even the highest paid position in a company doesn't certify you has being more of a man.
Now, is it bad to be an athletic person who gets with a lot of girls and has a high paying job? As long as you're not hurting anyone, of course not. It just has nothing to do with being a man. So what the heck does determine masculinity?
Relationships
Masculinity begins with relationships. Ask yourself, when you're on your death bed: What kind of son was I? What kind of brother was I? What kind of friend was I? What kind of teammate was I? What kind of worker was I? What kind of student was I? What kind of parent was I? Who did I love? It's the bonds we form with people that matter most when it comes to how good a person we are.
Being a man means being respectful, empathetic, and generous to others. It means living a life that is other-focused, which is what Joe Ehrmann's inspirational, character-building program Building Men For Others is all about. If everyone is focused on helping others, everyone receives help from others. Mind melt.
From a very young age, we males are told by someone to "Be a man! Stop Crying! Don't be a sissy!" Hearing these phrases is one of the most destructive communicative forces in society. It leads men to suffer from alexithymia, the inability to put emotions and feelings into words. We're not taught to express or even identify our feelings. There are still some feelings today that I get and I'm not sure what to call them. This lack of understanding our own emotions sets us up for absolute failure when it comes to understanding the emotions of someone else. How can we be expected to feel the joy and pain of others if we can't even show the joy and pain in ourselves? Thus, we've obtained an empathy deficit disorder and there's this never-ending cycle of becoming angry or depressed, becoming isolated, abusing substances or people, and performing violent acts that simply carry on to the next generation of men suffering from alexithymia.
So what are we taught? To compare and compete and to care about practically everything but our relationships. Just look at what the media portrays to us. When is the last time you saw a commercial with the message that being a man means having a cause in life that extends beyond our own selfish desires? They're all about drinking beer, buying trucks, getting girls, and obtaining other trite "bigger and better" possessions. Finding some sort of cause beyond yourself is critical to creating a better world.
Season Of Life is a terrific piece of literature that should be read by every student at every school as well as by every parent in America. Men will feel more in tune with their emotions, sensitivity, awareness and recognition of their actions, while women can certainly follow through with the messages this book offers too. Joe Ehrmann always says his only job as a football coach is to love his players; he doesn't care about winning. As hall of fame safety Ronnie Lott truthfully put it, "This is not a book you are just going to read and then forget about. You're probably going to read it again sometime. And you'll definitely want to tell family and friends about it. By sharing Season of Life with others, you will be helping to make this a better world."
