Hey Everyone,
For those who do not already know me, my name is Kendall Sharp. I’m 21 years old, stand 5 feet 9 inches tall, always smiling, talk too much and sometimes can be a lot to handle. Those who’ve fought through my awkwardness and ear damaging karaoke, swear I am the loyal friend everyone wishes they had.
My family, on the other hand, is a bunch of nutcases, like me. I have fifteen first cousins from one side of my family, and we are all best friends. We are together so often that we tend to do things as a group. Just like tweens and belly button rings, one cousin’s engagement initiated a sudden chain reaction of the Ahrweiler Family Grandchildren getting engaged.
The cousins put much thought into the timing of their engagements. They concluded that a cousin can propose to their fiance, but only if their wedding transpires after my 21st birthday.
I was elated. My cousins were waiting long periods of time in anticipation of my birthday. One of my cousins waited six years to be engaged. I vowed to be the life of each family wedding that comes my way. This obligation brings great joy and equal pressure. This responsibility is therefore expected of my wedding dates.
Attention qualifiable bachelors of Iowa State University; better yet, any guy looking for a great night with a girl like me. The fifth family wedding is on July 15th and I need a date. I have eighteen days to find a guy to bring to my cousin’s wedding.
To be my wedding date you should encompass the following attributes:
- Good sense of style
- Social with entire family regardless of my absence
- Dance skills worthy of clearing a dance floor
- Know every word to 1985 by Bowling for Soup
- Carry a drink in each hand at all times
- Notify me when the midnight snacks are brought out. I always miss those
- Easy on the eyes
- Keep track of my id and debit card. This is a challenge, they are lost far too often
- No puking or falling asleep outside or making me babysit you
- Not in a relationship
- No children
- No criminal record
- 20-25 years old
What’s in it for you:
- Free meals
- Open Bar
- Free trip to Lake Geneva for a weekend
- Dancing for three hours = HELLA EXERCISE
- Picture for Instagram that’s bound to give win you more followers
- Open Bar
If you are interested in going on this adventure, submit a short explanation as to why you should be my wedding date to my personal email: sharpk516@gmail.com No more than ten sentences and please make me laugh. The more sarcasm the better.
Good Luck!
