I used to love to read.

I would spend every waking moment with my nose buried in a new book, and I would fall in love over and over again for the first time in libraries and bookstores. Everybody in my family would give me books as presents, and I'd spend hours learning the curve of a book's spine and every word it had to offer me. Books were there for me when people weren't, and I came to depend on them for my own sanity.

As time went on, though, loving books felt more like a chore than anything else. School was the prime reason with this because I hated being forced to read things I had absolutely no interest in. Instead of making time for books, I was now forced to spend all of my downtime reading Shakespeare and random, old stories that people considered the 'classics'.

I didn't want anything to do with classic novels, and especially not anything considered 'nonfiction' or even anything teetering close to it. I wanted to make believe, and magic, and heroes, and villains, and a love story to triumph them all. I spent every waking moment obsessing over stories in which I could lose myself in.

I used to be good at managing both my love of reading and the reading I needed to do for school, but eventually, they merged into each other in an effort to save time while doing something I loved, but it backfired horribly. It became a nuisance, a chore, and overly tedious. Reading was no longer fun for me because, like most pre-teens and teenagers, being told what to do immediately made me less inclined to do it. I felt like I was drowning in things that needed to be read, and it never felt like I had enough time.

It still doesn't.

I can't remember the last time I sat down and read a book simply because I wanted to. I no longer have the attention span to be able to read for long periods of time, much less being able to binge a whole book and it's series within hours like I used to. The idea doesn't even appeal to me anymore.

Now, most of my reading is assigned and can be accessed on my phone. While reading with technology has definitely helped me with my comprehension skills and my ability to organize my thoughts when reading, it also keeps me distracted and from finishing my readings in a reasonable time. It's frustrating as hell, but school is ruining my ability to concentrate and how well my attention span can be. People want things done instantly, and while I also would like things done instantly, it keeps me busy and away from doing the things that I love.

I can never forgive the school system for ruining this for me. Reading was such an integral point of my personality, and now I sort of feel lost without it. I'll pick up a book to read and get disgusted with my lack of focus. I'll get annoyed and frustrated with my own lack of motivation to read, and it's usually because I have so much other reading to do for school.