What’s the scariest thing on the Ole Miss campus?
For many people, the word college is synonymous with fear. While I do not feel the same way, I will say there are a lot of frightening aspects of college life.
When I first stepped foot on the Ole Miss campus, a lot of fears came to mind. I kept worrying about the thousands of strangers I had to navigate around, the acres of unknown land and structures, classes, social pressure, and rush.
I thought for sure those would be the scariest things about college. I couldn’t imagine anything scarier. But I was wrong. Definitely, definitely wrong. The scariest thing on campus, something that I couldn’t even imagine, is the Stockard Elevators.
1. You are a sardine
There are at least 450 people living in Stockard. 11 floors of guys all riding three elevators to reach their floors. 11 stories of guys who are complete strangers to you, but could be your friends in the future.
Meeting people is already stressful enough, but doing it while cramped into a 68-inch by 68-inch box is so much worse. You simply cannot have a conversation while everyone is piled on top of each other, breathing into each other’s face.
This is only made worse by the fact that the elevators move just slow enough for the silence to be noticeable but too fast to actually have a conversation. The whole situation is strange, stressful, and ends up giving you anxiety.
2. You’re worried about flesh wounds
The Stockard elevators always seems to be in a rush. I guess when they are designed to transport people who are always late to classes, they have to be. However, this causes some pretty near misses at times.
The doors only stay open for 4.5 seconds and take only 1.5 seconds to close! That is just barely enough time to walk all the way from the buttons, which are freaking far away, btw, to the door with minimal worry of amputation.
I think about this nearly every time I get on the elevator. There is a motion sensor, but do not I want to put it to the test. I like my appendages just the way they are, thank you very much.
3. It’s always a party
Or at least the remnants of it. I never know what is on the other side of those elevator doors. Whether there are a few people not quite at 100% voicing every one of their thoughts or leftover beer and vomit on the floor, it’s always disagreeable.
Also, there are stories of years past where some guys pried open the elevator doors and threw a vending machine down the shaft itself. I’m not sure if I believe it, but if it is true, that is terrifying.
4. You're always playing Elevator Roulette
Usually, elevators are supposed to take you where you want to go. However, for Stockard residents, things are never that simple.
Sometimes, the elevators choose to take you to a floor at random. It doesn’t matter if you’re on floor two trying to go to the lobby for breakfast in the morning; the elevator decides where you go.
It decides whether you get that crispy delicious chicken biscuit or 11 flights of stairs.
5. The Abyss of Death
This is probably my biggest fear about the elevator. I just got the last phone my parents are buying for me, so, as you can imagine, I am very protective of it. However, every time I walk into Stockard, I put it in danger.
As I walk in, I have to show my ID to the clerk to prove I live there. Where is my ID? On the back of my phone, so most times, I am holding my phone as I cross the gap between the elevator and the floor.
And that gap is freakin’ ginormous! You’re probably thinking, “William, That’s ridiculous! With the case and the
Ha, think again. The gap between the elevator and the floor is approximately 1.5 inches. My phone, with the case and the
If you have an iPhone 7 or a phone close to that width, your phone would be in jeopardy as well. Just one light jostle at the wrong time from one of the other 7 odd people getting on the elevator and your phone is gone forever.
