Death is a topic no one wants to face, we shut out the possibility that something could happen in a given moment that would completely shatter our existence and make us question life itself. We are told to live each day like it’s our last, but do we really? We still hide behind emotionally vague conversations, we struggle in trying to tell someone we love them, and at the end of the day we still have to come face to face with the inevitable, that eventually we will die. What’s even more frightening is we seem to think death comes solely at old age when in reality it comes in many forms.
Saying Goodbye too soon is one of the hardest things I have ever had to face in my lifetime, and I assure you my life has not been all roses and daffodils. Every funeral I attended prior to this one had been sending a loved one away after a long battle, but this wasn’t the case. I lost a friend to suicide in 2013 and the impact has been massive. I saw a girl I loved being carried away in a lifeless box at the tender age of 13. I couldn’t feel my eyes that day, I was surrounded by friends I graduated with, friends still in high school, and younger. I watched a picture montage flash across the screen of her short life. I held the hand of dear friends as we cried. I watched a casket being lowered into the ground with a girl who hadn’t even seen the best years of her life yet and never would.
What also flashed across my mind was how short life is. I had just seen her less than three days before. I held her in my arms hours before the incident happened. I was one of the final few to see her and although that brings me solace, it also brings me immense guilt. We weren’t the closest of friends. We really had just begun our friendship, but I was anxious to see where it would lead when it was taken from me.
The next train of thought I had was how devastating it must be for those so close which I ended up experiencing shortly after. In 2014 we lost my niece, I was very thankful in a sense for having already been through something similar to this, but it in no way was the same. I watched as my family crumpled, the glue holding us together gone. I watched my father cry. I felt clinically insane. I will never forget my sister’s shrill scream echoing down the I.C.U. hallway, or holding the hand of my 14 year old niece as we were about to be told the news. But what made this situation different was the way my friend had taught me to live after her passing, to live no holds barred, without fear.
I still constantly think about how I will never be able to take my niece to see her favorite band, go prom shopping with her, or watch her cross the stage collecting her diploma, as she had done for me. However, I gained something so remarkable, a guide. I have someone who I cannot and will not under any circumstance fail, I have someone who is cheering me on just as much as she was in life, and I am reminded of her kindness in everything I do. What saying Goodbye too soon really teaches us is the intense value life has, and shows us a new way of living.
I’d like to encourage everyone to live without fear — get that double expresso, kiss that boy, and get that tattoo because we never know when the end is. But more importantly, express love instead of hate to everyone. My last words to her were “I love you” and I am so thankful I heard them back one last time. Remember that each day is gift. Live it with love. Do all you can do in a day’s time, and don’t hesitate to say “I love you” because what if that was your last chance?
