I’ve never been fond of change. I like things to be consistent and stagnant, almost frozen in their position, so nothing changes. I don’t like the fact that I’m getting older. I don’t like meeting new people. I don’t like saying goodbye to people under any circumstance. I don’t like really anything that includes aging or developing. But it’s inevitable. You can’t stop time just because you don’t like the way the seasons change. You’re going to have to grow up. And unfortunately, moving is an associate of developing into an adult.
I’m leaving everything I’ve ever known behind me. I’m saying goodbye to the streets I’ve been driving on for 18 years. I’m kissing the skyline of Mobtown farewell and moving on to another destination. I’m saying goodbye to friends I may never see again in my life.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow. I’ve been excited to discover the world for a while, but now that I’m getting a chance to start all over again, I find it more terrifying than anything. I’m going to have to embrace the new streets and find out their rhythm. I’m going to have to listen carefully for the sounds that this new city produces. I’m going to have to open my shell and be more welcoming to new things, and more so, new people. I must pledge my allegiance to a new town filled with people I don’t know. However, the pledge will not shake the memories and small ties I have left of my hometown.
I never took advantage of the beach when I was so close to it. I never bothered walking down the city streets at night time, noticing all the trivial things that made it so peaceful, yet wild. I didn’t appreciate the old structures the way I should have. I did partake in holiday events, but never caught the full effect because I thought they would always be there. And the truth is, they may be there forever, but you might not be.
As if the emotional aspect of the whole procedure wasn’t enough, there comes the physical aspect- packing. My mom has been rummaging through boxes that have been taped up for years to find that we kept a lot of stuff we didn’t need. And a lot of it brought up memories. I found old high school notebooks, notes I used to pass with friends, birthday cards and invitations, etc. You’ll find old toys you used to play with or old movies you watched. You’ll find a lot of things that you wish you didn’t find, because it’s one more thing you have to consider parting with, no matter how irrelevant it was before. It all kind of just captures you.
I’ve been thrown back to freshman year on some occasions, and even middle school on others. I get reminded of those kids who I hated seeing every day, and think if I ever saw them again, I wouldn’t know if I was happy or upset. I wouldn’t know if I should be excited to have a token of what used to be or upset by the face I don’t have it anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my new home. I don’t know who is going to stay in my life from my roots, and who’s going to join it later. It’s a dive into the unknown and I don’t know if I’m ready for it but I’m going full steam ahead. Here goes nothing.
