It’s hard to keep friends when you can’t keep your mouth shut. I think it’s safe to say that most people have a sense of right and wrong, and when to withhold a comment. I put myself in that category too. I also do not think it’s wrong to state your opinion or to stand up for yourself.
A few weeks ago I was going out with some friends. I arrived at my friend’s house and she was still getting ready so the rest of us chilled and waited. She finished bleaching her hair blonde recently. If you know anything about bleaching brown hair, it typically turns brassy and orange. For the most part her hair looked great. I made the comment, “Well the ends are kind of orange, but you’ll get that out eventually.” Everyone yelled at me for "being rude." I replied, “What? Just being honest.”
She came out of the bathroom with her hair and makeup done and asked what I thought of her outfit. “Well, your boobs look funny. Maybe change the shirt,” I replied. She changed her shirt and came back out, “Is this better?” “Well, maybe it’s your bra.” Everyone in the room teased me for being rude and critical.
While it might come off as "bitchy" and offensive that I told her she had orange hair and her boobs looked funny, I knew she wouldn’t take it that way. Although some people would be offended by that, is it wrong to state your opinion? No. If she liked what she was wearing and didn’t want to change then that's great. I told her my opinion. When you don’t agree with what someone is saying, either take the criticism and make your argument, or let it roll off of your shoulders. But in my personal experience, people don’t like to be called out for their actions.
On another note, what do you do when someone talks to you in a way that you don’t appreciate? Some people ignore it, but I’m one that stands up for myself. For some reason people don’t like that. We’re taught as children to not engage in confrontation. We’re taught "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." While that saying is very empowering, I don’t think it’s necessarily right. So many people are insecure over what people say to them. Yes, words matter. But at the same time, I think it’s important to stand up for yourself when someone hurts you. If people always talk down to you, or put your opinions down, they aren’t going to stop unless you say something. If you don’t stand up for yourself, who will?
The reality is that everyone wants to say what they want, treat people how they want and never take responsibility for their actions. I wish I could send a copy of this to my middle school self. I’ll be the first one to tell you how mean I was at age 11. It took me until high school to realize how my actions and words affected others. At some point between then and now, I found a way to defend myself and state my opinion and let it stop there. Defending yourself is important in my opinion, but you also have to learn when to stop. Sometimes people talk to hear themselves talk, and they don’t actually care about understanding your point of view. Those people don’t deserve you wasting your breath.
