The ground falls out from underneath you and suddenly you have no idea what to do or where to go. You can't seem to find a place to settle and begin to grow restless.
Bouncing around a lot is hard and invariably exhausting. You begin to feel helpless. You begin to feel that there is no way that you will ever get out of the situation. Then a door opens, and you finally find yourself in your own place. A place for you to finally call home. You get excited about the concept of home, but the realizations of it do not hit until a few weeks into it. It takes a while before you begin to feel safe enough to leave your work bag in the living room overnight. You push past your fears and leave the dishes in the sink overnight. Nobody gets angry, nobody cares. There is nobody to care. You begin to notice a difference in the way you respond to going home. There is no worry about who is going to be angry or if there is going to be an argument that night. You don't dread going home: it is not a scary task. It is simply going home.
You relish the days that you get home and can take a nap without guilt. You enjoy the peace and quiet that allows you to read a favorite book or watch a movie. You finally realize how amazing it is to feel safe and secure in your own place, depending on yourself to keep a roof over your head. The transition to supporting yourself was easy and warmly welcomed. It has brought you a sense of peace that you would not trade for anything in the world and you know that God had to have something to do with this.
So as you sit peacefully in your room on a beautiful Saturday writing this, you cannot help but reflect on how blessed you are. You reflect back on where you have been, where you are now, and where you would like to be in the future. You list all of the things you are grateful for and think about how great God has been. You realize that God has definitely been there with you every step of the way. You realize what you thought was the worst day of your life leaving you unsettled turned out to really be your first steps to freedom.
