There Dave stood in Sadie's magic doorway wearing a fancy tuxedo and top hat, smoking out of a pipe. She was wondering when he'd finally pop up, though Dave randomly showing up at her apartment in costume was never out of the ordinary. Sadie loved this about him. He kept her on her toes. Kept things fun. Spontaneous. She guessed he was trying to be either an obnoxious 1920's bachelor or a magician with a troubled past, recalling from a conversation they had a while ago. Dave enjoyed improv comedy and performance art.
She looked her lover up and down. Dave looked absolutely bonked out of his mind: what has he been up to this whole time? His curly brown hair stuck out from all sides underneath his fancy top hat and his green eyes were brighter than usual, shining like majestic emeralds under the dingy, fluorescent lighting from the front hallway. His cheeks were rosy red from the stupidly wide, childish grin that he had plastered on his face. Sadie knew that stupid grin; it meant either a surprise or an apology. Given the circumstances, it could mean both.
"How did you get here?" she said.
"With this," he said.
Dave pulled out a large, bejeweled wand from his back pocket.
"Ta-da!" he exclaimed.
Ah, he went with the troubled magician. Dave's childish grin opened even wider as he quickly tapped the floor with his wand three times. Tap tap tap. The floor began to shake, causing its dirty, floral-patterned carpeting to flow like tidal waves. He got down on one knee. He grabbed Sadie's hand oh-so tight to keep them both from toppling over.
"Sadie, My Lady, are you ready to have the best night of your entire goddamn life?" he winked.
She smiled at her lover with big, puppy-dog eyes. Oh, how he knew how to please her.
"Duh," she said.
Dave tapped the floor again. Tap tap tap. The carpeted tidal waves grew stronger, creating immense, heavy winds that blew Sadie's hair back. The fluorescent lights flickered. Dave's emerald eyes sparkled with joy. Sadie glanced behind her; picture frames and other various home decor within the cozy apartment were flying aggressively off the walls, which had begun to wash away and melt into the ground, as was everything else around them.
"Hold on tight," he said.
Sadie clutched their hands tighter together until they both turned a pale yellow. Dave tapped the floor once more. Tap. BOOM! A blinding, blue light emitted from his bejeweled wand, engulfing the whole floor into a thick, jelly-like mass before it caved in completely. Sadie and Dave fell through each level of her apartment building as thunderbolts and lightning and glass-shards shot out in every direction around them. They landed face-first into the small patch of grass outside of her apartment building. They both stood up to brush off the dirt, weeds, and dog-shit clinging to their clothes. Falling to her death had never felt so comforting, she thought.
"Now, for my next trick. . . ," Dave said.
Sadie glanced back to look at her apartment building, which had completely deteriorated into a pile of green goo. She giggled pleasantly. Sadie stuck her arms out from her sides and spun around in circles. The dead grass felt like soft kisses on her feet.
"So, when's the best night of my goddamn entire life going to start?" Sadie asked.
"In about five seconds. Close your eyes, my darlin'," Dave said.
Sadie closed her big, brown eyes that were always smeared with black eyeliner and dark purple bags. She wasn't doing very well these days.
Sadie heard a big whoosh! and the sound of whimsical chimes. In front of her was a white and gold carriage attached to a rainbow colored horse, who also wore a tuxedo and top hat. The horse neighed with excitement as he saw the two of them approaching. He lifted his tail and uppity jazz show tunes began to play out of his asshole.
"Your chariot, my lady." Dave winked.
"Jesus Christ, I love you," Sadie said.
They began to kiss passionately and float in mid-air. Cartoon musical notes danced around them, creating a clouded whirlwind of sporadic and colorful noise. The lovers stopped kissing to dance alongside the musical notes, who were more than happy to have them join in.
Wheeee! the notes sang. Dave held Sadie's face oh-so-lovingly. They kissed again. The horse neighed and clicked his sparkly rainbow hooves against the pavement, signaling that it was time for Sadie and Dave to depart on their magical adventures for the evening.
"We're coming, Mr. Sparkles! Hold your. . . horses."
Sadie, Dave, and Mr. Sparkles chuckled at the stupid play-on-words; the horse sure loved a good joke. The musical notes opened the door to the carriage and then simultaneously combust into the air. The lovers flew excitedly into the carriage and onto the pink, plushy velvet seats. The walls were cream white and patterned with lavender colored flowers. It smelled like buttercream. Around its ceiling hung white lights, which swayed to the uppity jazz show tunes invitingly. Dave opened his mouth theatrically, then proceeded to make a bouquet of red roses and a bottle of wine pop out of thin air and into his hands. He handed them to her.
"How'd you do that?!" she laughed.
"I've been practicing while I've been away," he said.
Sadie rolled her eyes and took a big swig out of the bottle; thank God it was a twist cap. An electronic little girls' voice rang through the overhead:
"Alrighty, passengers! You better get your asses ready, because we are about to have so much fun! Hahahaha!"
Sadie smiled. "Where oh where are you taking me?"
Dave rested his hand on her leg.
"Your favorite place," he winked.
And with that, Mr. Sparkles was gleefully trotting and neighing away from Sadie's apartment building. Her neighborhood had somehow turned into the main street at Disneyland, and the three of them were immediately surrounded by the brightly lit gift shops, the cheerful bells and whistles from the Disneyland Railroad, and that specific smell of churros and overpriced commercialism.
God, Sadie loved this fucking place.
Other theme-park goers were here as well; families, cheeky teens, the elderly, all fashionably sporting their mouse-ear-hats and fanny packs. Sadie couldn't see any of their faces. The orchestral, hypnotic music-loop wafting through the loudspeakers were beginning to tune out the uppity jazz show tunes still playing out of Mr. Sparkles' asshole. Tinkerbell and a gang of children fluttered and sung whimsically through the night air, leaving little dusts of pink clouds behind them. Pete the Dragon blew balls of fire at the stars. Pinocchio danced like a real boy. Leaning against the outside wall of the Main Street Cinema were Minnie Mouse and Snow White, giggling and smoking cigarettes. Sleeping Beauty was assisting Cinderella at doing a classy keg-stand. Peter Pan and Captain Hook were across the street feeling each other up and making out in a corner. Winnie the Pooh was shamelessly double fisting gallons of honey. Tigger snorted a line. Eeyore sat in-between them, lethargically unamused. Sadie loved everything about this. It was like Disneyland: After Hours.
Sadie snuggled into Dave and happily drank (or more so, chugged) her wine. The fuzzy warmth of the alcohol hitting her stomach lining and the feeling of her lover next to her was like a euphoric spell as they admired the bustling enchantment that was the happiest place on Earth.
"I've really missed you," she said softly.