As a kid, I hated the idea that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. I couldn’t say what I wanted to say. I couldn’t even eat what I wanted when I wanted it.

I still can’t do some of those things now, they require money and effort.

As kids, we see the world but we don’t fully acknowledge it. We see some of what’s going on and sometimes our access to the information is limited because adults assume we don’t need to know what’s going on. Why hide the world from children? They have to grow up in it and experience it regardless.

I know that when I was young, I thought more about being an adult. I thought that being an adult would mean that I would have my own car, house, money, and freedom to do as I please. My parents told me that there would be bills involved, but I would tell them that I would just have this amazing job that would pay for everything. That I wouldn’t have to stress over living like they do.

Being in college and without my parents, I do still share some of those thoughts but they have changed. I’ve realized that what I thought would come easy, hasn’t. I’m in college which I expected but not doing what I originally thought I would be doing. I’d thought I would be doing all of the things I saw college students do on TV. By being in college and growing up, I’ve seen that whatever TV usually displays of college students and young adults in general is not always accurate.

I also realized I couldn’t really talk to my parents about the world because they would brush it aside. So when I had my own phone with access to the internet, I just googled whatever came to mind. I was a curious child and it killed time whenever I was bored.

Growing up the way I did, I didn’t realize the world was that much of a crappy place. I didn’t fully realize how racism still existed in today’s society yet I instinctively feared cops. As more videos and news stories surface today about how easily a person of color can be arrested based on arbitrary suspicion shocks me.

As a kid, I knew the world I grew up in wasn’t the best, but I thought we would improve more than we would fall into dark ways. I wish I could go back to those times where all I had to worry about was playing games and trying to get my mom to buy the clothes I actually wanted to wear. A time where I didn’t have to worry and notice that the color of my skin is a reason to be profiled.

A time where the issues going on today wasn’t mine to worry about yet.