Today I got to thinking about the future and how literally everyone my age and a few years younger (barely an exaggeration) was either engaged to marry, married, or had already started a family. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the idea of settling down once you have met someone who has proven themselves to you and whatever plan you two have in mind, but lately I couldn’t decide if it was just my generation obsessed with the idea of settling down so young, or if I needed to start thinking differently.
Those who know me today would probably say I was full of it if I didn't admit that at one point in my younger high school days, I was obsessed with the thought of finding “the one” that would somehow magically solve all my problems. That whoever this character happened to be, we would do sappy things, and that would be my source of happiness overall. Oh my, was I out of it back then. Back then, the mere thought that one day I could possibly end up without a partner terrified me. I’ll admit even now it isn’t the most comforting thought to cross my mind. The beautiful thing is, though, that it isn’t the number one thing on my mind anymore, unlike half of my peers around me.
Don’t get me wrong. For some settling down young or really quickly works. If something works, by all means go for it. A lot of my close high school friends and even a few since I began college have found partners I know will be amazing to them, and nothing less for the rest of their lives. I can’t act like I am against the sappiness factor of relationships. For goodness sake, I have a Jack Johnson love lyric tattooed on my back. Obviously I’m hopeful, but the difference is that now I am aware.
My point is that I thought for the longest time that no matter how successful I was in life, without someone by my side I considered myself not where I aimed to be, which I now realize is completely bogus. I’m actually quite fond of relationships, so this isn’t coming from the average anti-relationship view. All I’m getting at is that we really should stop focusing so much on the person for us or who we are meant to be with. If your life is going successfully, or even if it isn’t, someone cannot simply just come and piece it together. That’s what you are for. The relationship we maintain with ourselves is by far the most difficult but most satisfying one we will ever have.
So go out, travel the world, or sit at home and watch all the old episodes of "CSI: Miami." Just do what you think is satisfying. If settling down with someone you can’t possibly live without in this moment is your happiness, then pursue that. Don’t think settling is your only form of happiness though. A lot of past relationships showed me that in that exact moment, I thought it could be forever, but it wasn’t. And when we aren’t happy with someone, having them in our lives or not, we often settle because society tells us to. If you break it off with someone you have been with for years because it isn’t working, is something wrong with you? Are you the bad guy? Are you supposed to stay and make it work? Not always. The thing is, when something is no longer making you happy, the logical thing to do is find what does. That’s what gets us through. Relationships, and certainly love, is not based on logic.
It’s not that I haven’t experienced great guys. I have encountered the most amazing individuals who for some reason thought I was their person, but I wasn’t. It’s truly frustrating when you have a potentially perfect man-friend in front of you, but you know this person isn’t your person. Or even worse, when you think this person is the one, and they don't quite feel the same. Then again, maybe the person you have known for five months is destined to be the one. Maybe it's your next door neighbor. Who knows.
Whether it’s five years from now, five months from now, or never… and I by chance find some magical relationship breaking point that makes me see marriage as a possibility, then ya girl will deal with that then. Right now I have success. I have good friends, a rockin’ university I attend, and most importantly, happiness that I found all on my own.
