Why The Idea Of Running Away Is So Thrilling To Me
Start writing a post
Student Life

The Idea Of Running Away Is So Thrilling To Me

As a trans person, nothing sounds more exciting than disappearing off the face of the earth and completely starting over.


I'm now in my Junior year of college. And holy hell, a lot has changed in the past two years.

Turns out transitioning from a small-minded private high school to one of the largest universities in the country has opened up a lot for me.

I've changed my entire life plan and career goals. I've recovered from a decade-long battle with mental illness. I've discovered a lot about myself that I don't think anyone expected, including the fact that I am not, and I never have been, a girl.

That last one has been the biggest doozy for obvious reasons.

I feel like a completely different person from when I started college, and I think I am a completely different person. My wardrobe is new, my ambitions are new, even my NAME is new. I've had to reintroduce myself to a lot of people I've known for a long time.

It's the reintroductions that terrify me. I've overcome an indescribable self-hatred, and I never know what or how people think of me now. I don't know if their past impressions of me affect their current impressions of me.

Then, there's always the nightmare scenario: they don't recognize the new, happier me at all and only see who I was in the past when they first met me.

Which is why moving away to a new town with new faces as a clean; white slate is so exciting to me.

In a completely new place, nobody knows who you are. There aren't any past expectations of you. There's only you and what you say you are. I introduce myself as "Milo" and they introduce themselves and that's that.

It's a breath of fresh air that I'm extremely desperate for.

Nobody would know who I was when I was going through a rough time. Nobody would know how I thought I was dead set on a goal, only to change it and become dead set on a completely different goal. Nobody would know how I struggled with a very, very difficult depression spell. Nobody would know I use to identify as a lesbian because the term "gay" fit so well, I just didn't know I've been a dude this whole time.

Bottom line, I have this whole "identity" thing pretty solidified now. If I move to a new town, what they see is what they're going to get. Nobody is going to see those rocky and confusing in-between stages of figuring it all out ever again.

The only ones who have seen those stages are the people around me right now.

I associate my hometown with who I was in the past. I never, ever want to go back to who I was. So, staying in that place sounds utterly dreadful.

Of course, nowhere is a complete utopia. I don't expect everyone to automatically look at me in my transition and be tolerant of my existence (it's not fair that I have to be prepared for that, but that's a topic for another day). But, that's what I signed up for when I decided I didn't want to live in an indescribable self-hatred anymore. I don't expect or, frankly, even want a utopia.

I only want a place where reintroductions don't exist. There's only the first, true introduction.

"Hello, my name is Milo. Nice to meet ya!"

And we go from there.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
What College Girls Remember from their Summers as a Kid

Yes, summer is almost here.. so what should we remember

Keep Reading... Show less
The 100 Things Millennials have ruined: A Comprehensive List

Millennials: the generation everyone loves to hate. The babies of 1980 to 1995 take a lot of heat. I mean, we inherited a crashed economy, earn stagnant wages, live with crippling student loan debt, and try to enact change in a rigged system but our affinity for avocado toast and use of technology has wrecked society as we know it! As a tail end millennial, I wanted to know what I was ruining and, like any other annoying millennial would, I did some research. I scoured the internet, read online newspapers and scrolled through every listicle I could find. So, in case you needed another reason to resent the millennial in your life, here are the 100 industries we've killed, things we've ruined or concepts we've destroyed.

Keep Reading... Show less

Anxiety Doesn't Discriminate

This month, Odyssey brings about awareness & normality to conversations around mental health from our community.

Anxiety Doesn't Discriminate

It's no secret that even in 2018 our country still struggles with discrimination of all kinds. Society labels individuals by the color of their skin, heritage, religion, sexuality, gender, size, and political beliefs. You are either privileged or you're not. However, here's the thing, anxiety doesn't care about your privilege. Anxiety doesn't discriminate.

Keep Reading... Show less
College Boy Charm is Real and it's Very Sexy

After surviving a year of college and watching "Clueless" countless times, I've come to the conclusion that college boy charm is very much a real thing and it's very very attractive. It's easiest explained through Paul Rudd's character, Josh, in "Clueless". The boy who has a grip on his life and is totally charming. In this article, I will list the qualities of a specimen with College Boy Charm, to help you identify him at your next party or other social events.

Keep Reading... Show less

Tik Tok Stars: Worth the Hype? or Overrated?

As Tik-Tokers rise to fame, do their 'copy-cat' dances deserve the clout?

Tik Tok Stars: Worth the Hype? or Overrated?

Oh, the wonders of social media. Trends come and go just as quick as a story on Instagram, everyone posting for their shot at fifteen minutes of fame, and the ever growing following of a new type of celebrity- social media influencers and content creators. Everyone who owns a smartphone probably has Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, and now Tik-Tok, as it's growing to be a major social media platform for teenagers and young adults. Tik Tok became popular in the United States in late 2019 and since then has grown a considerable amount. Personally, I was one to make fun of Tik-Tok and say it was a dumb app like Musical.ly or Triller, and now months later, I spend more time on it than I do on Instagram.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments