Anyone who has Netflix-binged themselves How I Met Your Mother through all nine seasons absolutely finds themselves referencing the various rules and theories presented by Barney, Ted, Marshall, Lily, and Robin. While some may seem outlandish and far-fetched, almost all of them present themselves in our lives in one way or another.
Lemon Law: Barney’s idea that, if after five minutes into a date, you know that there is absolutely no possibility of a second date, you reserve the right to leave immediately.
Applicability: Although the Lemon Law itself is fairly cruel in application, it would definitely make life a little easier. The Law is most applicable when applied to flirtations at parties and bars.
Nothing Good Happens After 2 a.m.:
Applicability: If you’re around past last call at the bar, go home. Because nothing good happens Uptown after last call.
Freeway Theory: According to Barney, all relationships work like freeways: there are exits available at only certain points that will get you out of both of them. Barney's exits for relationships are: six hours (one-night stand), four days, three weeks, seven months, 18 months, 18 years, and death.
Applicability: Agreed. You’re either on the freeway or off of it.
Crazy/Hot Scale: When dating a person, he/she can be crazy, so long as he/she is equally hot. A person can be more hot than crazy, but not more crazy than hot.
Applicability: Although this rule is incredibly misogynistic and shallow, there honestly is only so much crazy a person can take.
The Platinum Rule: “The Golden Rule is ‘Love thy neighbor’ but there is one rule above it: The Platinum Rule – never ever, ever, love thy neighbor.” (Basically, don’t hook up with anyone that you have to see on a regular basis).
Applicability: 10/10 accuracy. Applies to anyone in the same lab group, social circle, residence hall/floor/apartment building, job, etc. as you. Avoid at all costs.
Revertigo: The phenomenon that occurs when someone from your past resurfaces and you act the way you used to act around them during that stage in your life.
Applicability: We definitely all feel this at least a little when reuniting with our high school friends.
Cheerleader Effect: A group of men or women appears more attractive when together in a group, even if they are, individually, flawed.
Applicability: Probably one of Barney's most scientific theories, as it does have a legitimate psychological premise stemming from cognitive bias.
Reacher/Settler Theory: The idea that, in every relationship, there is one (the settler) who is out of the others (the reacher) league.
Applicability: Although I do honestly see this in plenty of college relationships, there are certainly exceptions in the real world (i.e. Beyonce and Jay-Z)
The Mermaid Theory: In olden times, sailors used to go away to see and go a little crazy, and began to imagine that manatee’s were actually mermaids. In modern times, a man and a woman can be friends only for a period of time until the man, inevitably, becomes attracted to her.
Applicability: Platonic relationships are definitely difficult to fully achieve. While I think it’s a reach to assume that every male will eventually become attracted to every female he interacts with, there is certainly something to be said for the belief that there may be some underlying attraction in a male/female friendship.
Graduation Goggles: Even though high school is basically four years of utter misery, graduation still came with incredible nostalgia over the realization that it really is all over. Similarly, one gets these “graduation goggles” any other time a period of your life, no matter how unpleasant it was, is about to end, remembering it with a fondness that didn’t really exist.
Applicability: Applies 100 percent to almost all things: the end of a bad semester, relationship, friendship, even an old, broken cell phone. Change is hard.
