So you decided to take on driving around campus, whether because you're running late to class or the idea of walking one more step makes you want to cry internally. Now take a deep breath, eat some breakfast food, and listen to some smooth jazz to get you through this event. Take it away Duke Silver Ron Swanson:
1. You start off with high hopes
Whether this is your first time driving or you drive to campus often, you think it is a new day and parking won't be that bad.
2. No distractions while driving
First off, it is illegal to drive while using your phone, but there are so many things that can pop out of nowhere while driving on campus. Like people walking right in front of you, people on bikes merging in your lane, or adrenaline junkie squirrels playing an intense game of tag. Eyes on the road and be prepared for anything,
3. Pedestrians aren't your friends
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because everyone and everybody can walk wherever they want on campus. Sometimes even when it is your right of way to go, a pedestrian will walk out in front of you, slowly, and with no care in the world.
4. People on bikes are worse
Are they pedestrians or are they vehicles? People on bikes seem to fit into this category of both and seem to follow no rules. Who knew that a thing with only two wheels could cause so much hatred?
5. Music can soothe your angry soul
The only thing that can remotely calm you down is listening to your favorite jams. Whether it is Florida Georgia Line, Linkin Park, or Disney, you need some music to get you through the rest of this ride.
6. There are 5 parking spots on the entire campus
You pay how much money to attend this school, and you can only find five parking spots on campus. By now you have a headache, high blood pressure, and oddly are craving steak because trying to find a parking spot is like trying to find the answer to a hard riddle.
7. Change has never been so important until now
Parking on campus means paying meters, and you have learned the amount of time you can park depends on the weight of your change jar in your car. Your life depends on how many quarters you have.
8. You have to do what you gotta do
When there is a time crunch and all 5 parking spots are filled, you need to live by your own rules. You will think about your actions later when there is an envelope on your windshield from the parking department.
9. You question your life choices
You sit there, slightly winded and a little sweaty from your recent adventure. Reflecting on your actions and the stress you just put yourself through, you wish you would have just taken the bus or walked or maybe have gone to a school with more parking.
10. Don't fail
Even with your few minutes of self-loathing, you can't fail. Get out of your car, grab your heavy change jar and pay the meter. You have a lecture to go to, but don't think about the process of getting back to your place after class yet.
Here's hoping you make it to class and the government doesn't track you while you were on your way.
