More often than I'd care to admit, I feel that my faith is like a rollercoaster - racing between highs and lows, interrupted by loops of confusion. I could utilize my Christianese and refer to these ups and downs as "seasons," but the imagery of a rollercoaster has a bit more of a truthful punch. Luckily, when I open my Bible, I find that I am not the first to have ridden this crazy ride of faith.
When I read about Peter, I see a story that beautifully exemplifies the human condition, and our need for the grace of God. Peter is always cycling through faith and lack thereof. When he walks on water, at first all he sees is Jesus and all he feels is determined faith. Then the waves come, and fear destroys his faith. When Jesus asks Peter whom Peter thinks Jesus is, Peter has a moment of great faith and revelation, but later Peter essentially criticizes Jesus for not doing his job correctly. Even after this great revelation from God, Peter allows himself to be blinded by the lies of the devil. I think that Peter hit rock bottom when he denied Jesus. The Bible says that he wept bitterly. I imagine this is a moment where Peter becomes broken, and painfully aware of his weakness. After walking with the Son of God for years, and after listening to all of Jesus’s wisdom, and after great intentions of faith, still he failed. Peter fluctuates from belief to fear, revelation to lies, faith to denial. He wants to get it right, but every time he tries, he stumbles and falls.
Is this cycle familiar? So often I find my own faith squashed by fear. I find that the clarity I discover in moments of insightfulness can be made hazy by the lies of this world. I find myself believing I am willing to do anything for God, but those declarations of my faithfulness can easily be left at the wayside when I am faced with a situation that calls for faith. Like Paul said in Romans, “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing.” I am just like Peter, and in that I find the beginning of my hope.
Jesus looks at Peter and sees more than his failures. He sees the rock on which He will build his church. He loves Peter immensely despite his failures, and He doesn’t give up on him no matter how many times he stumbles. The same goes for us in our walk with God. Sure, we cycle and make mistakes. But that isn't reason to turn tail and run. When we openly turn our brokenness over to God, and trust Him with our weaknesses, there is no telling what God can do in our lives!
