To all those who have not been introduced to the art of roasting, allow me to enlighten you. What is roasting? Roasting is an art form. It is a fight for survival. At least where I went to school, you either learned how to roast or you were destroyed by an onslaught of verbal attacks. In that environment, nobody was safe. You asked a stupid question in class?
ROASTED. You wore your letterman jacket to school? ROASTED. You got an F on a test? ROASTED. You got an A on a test? ROASTED. You tweeted "I love my family?" Someone would probably roast you. You posted a selfie? God have mercy on your soul because you were about to get ROASTED. As hostile as this sounds, at least you developed some thick skin and became immune to everything that everyone else finds offensive.
Nevertheless, if you follow these quick steps, you can defend yourself in the event that someone is about to roast you.
1. The "Fersure"
Yes, this is misspelled. Don't ask me why it isn't "for sure" because I don't really know. Anyway, if you are ever in an argument and someone says something stupid, "the fersure" is your go-to. By agreeing with them like a smart-ass, you will most likely win the roast.
Example: "Lacrosse is the hardest sport anyone can do."
"Ohh lax is tough dude? Lax life or no life? Ah, fersure! You're right!"
2. The "Oh Dude"
This one is the set up to any roast. You should begin your roast with "oh dude," 94 percent of the time. It is proven to easily get underneath someone's skin. It is a flawless approach.
Example: "I just finished lifting."
"Oh dude, lift dude? Gainz dude? You think you're big or something?"
3. The "You're Mad!"
When someone is mad, and you constantly tell them that they are mad, they will get even more mad. If you are good enough they might even get "so mad" which is the next level of mad.
Example: "Oh dude, mad dude? You mad? Yeah you're mad!"
4. The "Sick"
You can use the "sick" on two different occasions. The first is when someone says something that is either dumb, irrelevant, or you just really don't care about. The second is used as a go-to roast that you can include in just about anything.
Example 1: "I just got a Tacoma-Beast sticker for my truck."
"Sick."
Example 2: "I just got accepted to Harvard!"
"Oh so you think you're sick? You must be soooo smart dude! Teach me to
be as sick as you."
5. The "Hand Point"
The hand point, as demonstrated in the cover photo, is essential to any roast. It is the formal declaration of war. If someone points their hand towards you, you better be ready because it's about to go down.
With these five steps, and with a few years of training, you are on your way to becoming a born-again savage.
