As members of the animal kingdom, we use our instincts to survive. As members of humanity, we use our instincts to understand how we relate to the world.

Keeping these truths in mind, I find it astonishing how many of our instinctual feelings we are able to deny, if not completely ignore. Reasoning, thinking, using our past experience to make measured decisions--these strategies provide us with the illusion of control. Feeling is something we all do naturally and cannot control, as much as we may resist them; feelings occur instinctually. Where we often hit a wall is in actually hearing what our inner, instinct-driven voice is saying. The phrase "listen to your heart" comes to mind, as cliche as it is....

Listening is sometimes scary. Out of pauses in conversation, out of silence, things emerge which we are often unprepared for. It's like the moment after your friends have stopped off at their houses on a walk home, when the sweet music of friendly chatter suddenly stops playing and, forced to notice the reality that has been looming in the background the entire time, you find yourself alone on a dark street.

The ultimate challenge arises in putting those words, spoken by our instinct (which we should be reminded is natural and human and worthy of our trust), into action, instead of brushing them aside.

All of this talk dances around one big word: vulnerability.

Thinking and reason, especially in excess, often act as obstacles to the clarity of understanding and convinces us that to be vulnerable is the worst of all possible conclusions. In this way, thinking and reason shields us from some of the greatest beauty in human experience.

The example I find my mind most drawn to these days is the process of falling in love.

Biologically speaking, we are supposed to be physically attracted to people. In fact, we need to be in order to survive as a species. Attraction of any kind, however--physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual--is a natural and really cool thing if you think about it! The idea that two people can be individuals, and also create something outside of themselves by unifying into something original, is really kind of amazing. It's sort of like red and blue, when drawn together, creating something totally new and miraculous: purple!

But before purple can happen, some pain and uncertainty must be endured. Being drawn to a particular person in a big way, in a way that cannot be ignored, especially before knowing whether that person is also drawn to you, is one of the most vulnerable positions a person can be in. Now I don't know if I know what love is, and I don't believe I have ever been in love, but what glimmers of things resembling love which I have felt (or encountered in literature) are extremely exhilarating and blissful and overwhelmingly frightening. This vulnerability can only be bearable, I think, if we are able to surrender to our instincts without judgement, to embrace the future which cannot be foreseen, to relax into the reality of possibilities beyond our control: the possibility of pain, the possibility of discomfort, the possibility of immense joy. All of this is to say that our vulnerability becomes illuminated by the risks we take.

Whether it's asking someone on a date, admitting that you don't know something, depending on a person, or stepping cautiously out onto a frozen lake, risks remind us that we are living, breathing, feeling, messy, human creatures. I find it kind of heartbreaking that our modern society has placed such a stigma on expressing the emotions that we all obviously have (for fear of seeming uncivilized, I guess?? I'm open to suggestions...), on doing things outside of "the norm" that make us feel alive. Because what is the point otherwise?!

So yes, listen to your instincts, even if you think they are "wrong." If they were wrong, you wouldn't be human. Listening to instincts and understanding feelings can lead to more authentic behavior, which can lead to a more real way of living, rooted in actual human nature, and a deeper appreciation and awareness of the beautiful variety of life!