"Ring By Spring" Should Go Die In A Hole
Start writing a post
Student Life

"Ring By Spring" Should Go Die In A Hole

FYI, your value lies in much more than being a future wife.

309
"Ring By Spring" Should Go Die In A Hole
double-id

There was a joke I learned when I started as a freshman at my Christian university: “Ring by spring.” Clever and rhyming, the phrase describes how Christians tend to marry early, how freshmen are already on the lookout to see who might be their future spouse so they don’t have to face the failure of still being single by the time they graduate college. Because in life after undergrad, there are no opportunities to find a spouse, and within undergrad, there are no opportunities to do anything other than seek a partner.

Another joke thrown around is that young women are here at college to earn their "MRS" degree. Because it's funny to pretend like you're not actually spending $40,000 per year to further your education and better yourself as a member of both society and God's kingdom, but that you're actually just here because it's the only place you'll find a proper husband, right? Right. Ha ha, it is a funny joke.

It’s one of those things that you initially chuckle at and say, “It’s funny ‘cause it’s true.” But for that very reason, I think it should stop being funny. It is a true phenomenon in our Christian college culture, but I don’t think it’s a very healthy mindset. When we continue to joke about it, we're just perpetuating the gross pressures that many church-raised students (particularly females) have been feeling since they were kids.

Here’s something that I believe: as a human, you should continually strive to make yourself better. However, I also believe that you shouldn't want to make yourself a better person simply as preparation for a future relationship. You should make yourself a better person because it's good to be a good person, it's good to be happy, it's good to live a full life, it's good to be a positive addition to your community, it's good to be present, it's good to be a loving friend, and on and on and on.

It’s entirely okay to make yourself healthy and content for the sake of being healthy and content.

You don't have to live a life that implies being in a relationship is somehow the "real" life and being single is a failure of achieving that. Selfishly, there are things you can do as a single person that you simply cannot do as a married person. Selflessly, there are ways you can pour your life into friends, communities and projects that you simply cannot as a married person.

We talk casually about “God’s plan for our life,” especially in conversations around dating. I fear what we really mean by "God's plan" is, “The marriage I will have someday soon,” ignoring that it could just as easily be God saying, “That is not what your life is right now.” If we’re going to talk about God’s call for us, we need to be prepared, faithful and trusting for any direction that call might take – because it just might not turn out to be the exact desires and hopes you have in your mind and in your heart right now.

The incentive to get married should be that you found the person who you are supposed to marry. The motivator should not be societal pressure, familial pressure, religious pressure, purity, sex or security that you’ve "made it" as an adult. Marriage is a beautiful thing that is entirely okay to long and hope for; but it sure isn’t healthy for it to be the only thing you long and hope for. There are things to do, achievements to work toward, love to give, time to spend, communities to invest in and many other things of life that are hindered by an obsession over marriage. Being single – whether permanently or for certain seasons of life – is okay, and probably necessary.

You don’t have to worry about whether you have a ring by spring or not. Your education shouldn’t be stunted or defined by the worries of finding a spouse. Be careful of the pressures you’re putting on this time in college: it’s only four years. Yes, you might find your forever-person within those years, but that does not have to be your goal.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

49311
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

31384
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

955060
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

180308
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments