It's been awhile since I have written an article, a month to be exact. I honestly wasn't feeling very inspired or passionate about any topic while also working on summer classes and my internship. To say I've been a little busy is a bit of an understatement. After getting home last night, I had planned to have the most productive Sunday filled with a long morning run, a trip to my favorite coffee shop, starting a book (finally), cleaning my apartment, and going grocery shopping. In all reality, when I woke up this morning, I stayed in bed for a few hours, did some cleaning, and then spent the rest of my Sunday just laying around. As the end of the day approached, I realized that I had simply accomplished NOTHING and I started to feel anxious that I was beginning my work week unprepared. I felt guilty for not working out, not prepping my meals, and not checking off nearly enough things on my to do list. As I started to get ready for bed I started to think; what am I so incredibly anxious for? There was always tomorrow, a rest day doesn't hurt, and the laundry can honestly wait. The problem is, it's so engrained in me to live for what is to come rather than in the moment, I immediately felt regret for using my Sunday to relax rather than being productive.
I don't know about ya'll but it is INCREDIBLY hard for me to live in the present. I am constantly thinking of what is coming next. It's both a blessing and a curse because on one hand, I am overly prepared for all "what if" scenarios that I have played out in my head, but it's a curse because I have found that when I look back on moments in my life, I wish I would have been more "in it." As I have mentioned in my past articles, I have been doing quite a bit of soul searching and reflecting which has led me to writing this article about finding joy in the present while trying to manage my way through my quarter life crisis of suddenly being a senior in college when I still feel like I am 16 years old.
Now, when I said that I am constantly prepared for what's next, I am not even slightly exaggerating. I have my entire future home and wedding planned on my Pinterest, I have a list of baby names in my phone (I know I am not the only one), and I have a pretty clear goal as to what I want my career to look like. But upon further realization, what truly matters right is what I can do today to reach those goals that I have so intricately planned for my future. Right now, I am working my ass off in school so that I can be successful enough to reach my vision of what I want my future career to look like. Right now, I am working on my relationship so that in the future, I have found my person that I want to spend my life with. Right now, I am saving money so that I have money saved to put towards my dream wedding or my first house. Right now, I am appreciating a Sunday spent watching The Office for the 63rd time and aimlessly scrolling through Pinterest. Right now, I am thankful for what my body can physically accomplish like being able to go on long runs on the days that I feel like it and also eating an entire box of Annie's Mac and Cheese for dinner rather than a prepped meal (ALL about the balance). It is so important to focus on the now, and not feel guilty for not checking off all the boxes on your Sunday to-do list.
It has taken me a long time to get to the point that I am able to slow down, and focus on the now. Like I said, my main Clifton strength is futuristic, meaning my brain literally thrives focusing on the future. Finding the balance of enjoying the present while still planning out the future home and wedding on Pinterest is truly so important. Right here is exactly where I am supposed to be and you can bet I'm gonna start making the most of it.