To say that I am in love may be an understatement. I am, what some may even call, head over heels. I have been blessed with the opportunity to spend nearly 3 years in a relationship with my best friend. Like any other relationship, we have our problems. We bicker like an old married couple and neither of us ever want to be wrong. In addition to our mutual stubbornness, we have someone working against us. That someone is a little monster also known as my anxiety. The purpose of writing this article is to show others who are struggling with things such as anxiety, that it is possible to find someone who will support you and also show others they are not alone.

I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in my early years of high school. My other half and I have been talking for somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 years. He was there for me throughout the entire process. By process, I mean the grueling trial and error of medicine, the late night phone calls where I struggled to get words out between my sobs, and the times where I honestly wasn’t sure I could make it through. In those dark times, I had someone to be a beam of light. He was constantly there to pick me up, to show me my self-worth, and to show me just how strong of a human being I truly am. These are the three most important things that I have learned thus far...

1. It is very tiring and very difficult.

Loving someone more than you thought possible, while trying to not let your anxiety get a hold on your mind, is exhausting. I am constantly wondering if maybe I am being a tad too clingy. The problem with my anxiety in our relationship is that when I start to feel loved, I fall fast. I cling to the feeling of being wanted, and sometimes I worry that it can be too much to handle. On the exact opposite end, I am always worried that I am not loved. I am worried that I am putting in my time and emotions, only to get hurt in the end. After three years of dating, and several years of friendship prior to that, I still have to ask him if he even likes me. Most of the time, he is very light-hearted about it. He will usually laugh in response and say something cheesy like, “No, I don’t like you, I love you.” He tells me he loves me on a daily basis, yet I let doubt creep into my head and try to convince me otherwise. What’s important in the end, is that no matter how exhausted I am fighting off these thoughts and ideas, I know this is my anxiety.

2. It is okay to be vulnerable.

You need to try and let your guard down. Letting someone in is important to create a strong relationship. This boy has seen me cry more times than I would like to admit. When I say cry, I don't mean, tears gently rolling down my cheeks as he lifts his hand to my face to wipe them away. I'm talking the kind of crying where I can't breathe and snot is running down my face while my body is shaking. He has seen me lay down on the kitchen floor trying to catch my breath as a panic attack rolls in. Yet through it all, he is there to lift my chin and tell me whole-heartedly that he will always be there for me.

3. You deserve to be loved

Luckily, as I said before, I have been blessed to be with this man. He understands that nothing about this disease is attractive. It never has been and never will be. Instead, he has shown me that what is attractive is the fact that through all my struggles, pain, and doubts, I come out the other side head held high. The thing about being in a relationship with anxiety is it is so very important to find someone who loves you for who you are. Someone who will be there for you whenever you need them. Someone who is willing to work as hard as needed to show you just how beautiful and loved you are. There are times that I catch myself feeling like I don’t deserve love because of what I go through. He has shown me that nothing is farther from the truth. Everyone deserves to be loved for who they are.

I am so happy to be in a relationship with someone who is so supportive of me in life. Not only that but he is so caring and loving. It is nice to know that I can text or call him at any moment of any day, and on the other end is a man who’s heart is filled with love for me, who will go to any extent to show me how special I am. It may seem hard to do, but a strong supportive relationship, even with a mental illness, is possible. Trust me, there are great people out there who want nothing more than to see you happy.