“And they were like ‘so you know Fiona, right? Is she like…okay to talk to?’”
I asked my friend to clarify what exactly she meant by this. She shrugged.
“I don’t know. I mean you’re just don’t always seem that approachable. Like. You kind of just have resting b*tch face.”
It wasn’t the first time I had been told this, and it wouldn’t be the last. I just never really understood or agreed with it. I think I’m a relatively friendly person. Okay, maybe somewhat selectively, but still. I definitely do not smile one hundred percent of the time. Let’s be honest, though: people who smile all the time can’t be trusted.
It seems like most girls think that they have resting b*tch face, or if not, they’ve been told that they do. It’s why we all share articles called “15 Problems Only Girls With Resting B*tch Face Understand.” Most girls can relate to having a neutral expression misread, to being told to smile more, to being asked if they’re PMS-ing for no valid reason. It appears to be a full-blown epidemic.
Maybe it’s simply evolutionary. Especially in a city full of hustlers and catcalls, an expression of clear disinterest is an invaluable tool. It’s a shield of sorts. But this expression tends to be specific and actually takes lots of careful practice. Women take pride in their “b*tch faces,” and we should. But no one seems to be talking about how it’s slightly problematic.
The issue with the phenomenon of the “resting b*tch face,” aside from the fact that the term “b*tch” itself is derogatory, is that it presumes that a woman’s neutral expression should be something other than what it is. Maybe it has something to do with the positioning of the eyebrows, the look they have in the eyes. Accepting these resting expressions as “b*tch faces” plays into the ridiculous idea that girls should smile all of the time. It feeds the culture where gross guys on the street expect women to flash them a grin in response to invasive comments on their bodies.
Somehow, men seem to be immune to this widespread condition. Have you ever heard of a guy being told he had “resting b*tch face”? Probably not. “Resting a**hole face?” Yeah, me neither. There’s no male alternative. A guy who wears a similar expression might be called “intimidating.” It’s more likely, though, that one would just think “Oh. There’s a normal dude with a face,” and move on. I used to get really tired of my male coworkers telling me sarcastically “Don’t look so excited,” as I folded sweaters. I wasn’t excited, true, but I wasn’t being that aggressive about it. They definitely weren’t smiling while folding sweaters, either, and no one said anything about it.
So here’s how I see it: I’ll wear my face the way the way that I want to. Sometimes, maybe, that face will be my b*tch face. I’ll know it. You’ll probably know it, too. You don’t need to comment on it, though, because ultimately, I get to decide where and why and when to wear it.
