Tonight was a night like any other, I was doing my usual Facebook browsing when I stumbled upon a Total Frat Move article titled "Why Girls Should Stop Wearing High-Waisted Shorts." I know that I should've just kept scrolling but part of me was really interested to see what this all-knowing, wise, college frat boy had to say about the way I choose to dress. Within the first paragraph I read "a world that was once dominated by the hybrid thong bikini where asses flow out of them like water at Niagara Falls." A truly brilliant analogy if you ask me. The smart thing to do would've been to stop reading, but it was like a bad car accident, no matter how badly I wanted to look away, I just couldn't. I do realize that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but don't you boys have anything better to do than worry about what bathing suit bottoms we're wearing to the beach?

You made three points in your article, your first one being, "They Look Like Something Our Moms Would Wear." All right so what you're saying is that you don't want us wearing things that remind you of your mom? "I just don’t want to mix imagery when I’m adding pics to a potential image bank to use for later." Is that supposed to be a good enough reason to not wear what we want to wear? Not likely. We don't plan our outfits daily for your viewing pleasure so that you can have something to get off to later. When we buy bathing suits, we don't browse the aisles looking for something that'll get guys hot and bothered. We buy things that are going to make us feel fierce as hell and make our tan look better. Sorry that you can't get your mom out of your head when you see a half naked girl on the beach, but that seems like more of a "you" problem. Can you say Oedipus complex?

Your second point was, "Normal Girls Don’t Look Good In Them." What the hell does that mean? 'Normal girls'? So the brilliant frat boy has now uncovered the true meaning of what normal girls are. You say that because we aren't Taylor Swift and Gigi Hadid, we shouldn't wear what we want? So if they're seen wearing jeans and a crop top, are we not allowed to wear those either? "These girls have the body to pull it off. You do not. Snap me photo proof if you think you can." Aside from the fact that this might be one of the most repulsive statements I've ever read, it's also completely nonsensical. Do you realize that these celebrities you speak of, who can pull of these "monstrosities," aren't all 5'11" and 120 lbs? Celebrities, like "normal girls," also come in all shapes and sizes and we all have the ability to choose what we want to wear. All you boys roll up to the beach in swim trunks, you know who else wears swim trunks? Channing Tatum and Zac Efron. Did you pick out your swim trunks to be exactly like them? Do you look exactly like them? Didn't think so. Also I'm not "snapping you proof" of anything. I'll send a nice pic of my grandma in her undies cause that's basically the same thing, right?

And of course you saved the best, and most intelligent point for last. "Your Ass Disappears In These Things." "All I know is that when a girl who’s well-endowed in the rump region puts on one of these, her butt is gone in 60 seconds." Last time I checked, my ass didn't fall off my body, and I own several high-waisted bathing suits. It's still there, don't worry. I really have nothing left to say on this point other than it's stupid.

You ended with, "Now I know that technically a girl’s clothing isn’t supposed to make my pants feel funny, but let’s get real, ladies." No, you're right, I didn't buy my bathing suit with thoughts of making sure your "pants feel funny." I'll be sure to keep that in mind next time. I find it hilarious that you guys think that we stare into our closets every morning thinking "I wonder what will make every guy I see get a hard on." When we're bathing suit shopping, the only thing that's going through our mind is "which one of these is going to make me feel good, which one is going to make me happy, which one is going to make me feel fierce as hell." I realize that not every girl thinks that way. I'm sure that some girls think "which one is going to make all the drunk frat boys stare at my ass?" Quite frankly, I find that really sad and like Amy Schumer says in "Trainwreck," "you're gonna lose us the right to vote." But aside from that, we pick our clothes because they make us feel confident, it makes us feel like we can tackle the world. So don't flatter yourself frat boys, high-waisted bathing suits aren't going anywhere. Sorry that your trips to the beach will be subpar due to our fashion choices, but maybe you can save money on the trip and just ask your mom to model some of her underwear around the house, it'll basically be the same thing minus the sand in your ass crack.