You don’t know me but I recently read your latest post. My roommate sent it to me and by her caption, I knew what I was getting myself into but I went in with an open mind anyway. I went in with the mindset I have no matter the article I am reading, the way I hope others go in with when they read my articles. The mindset I hope you have if you ever read this. But I was quickly defensive. It started with your disclaimer, one that felt fake and only for the safety of yourself. You sounded a little selfish and very transphobic and homophobic. The part that gave it away was when you added “(and friends!)” in your disclaimer.
But your disclaimer was not the reason I decided to write this.
I too cannot wait to be a parent. In fact, I used to think that being a mom was something you got paid to do so it was how I wanted to make a living in this world. And like you I want to love my children to the ends of the Earth, I want to show them the wildness of this world and I want to watch them grow up to be adults who are respectful, healthy and successful. So on the surface, we are not too different. But unlike you I want my child to be able to express who they are and I will allow them to fully be who they believe they are meant to be. To me, my child’s sexual orientation and gender is not my choice and it is not theirs either, it is who they are meant to be and sometimes people are born the wrong gender.
You claim that this is the same as a mental illness. And that is demeaning to the mental illness community. Those people are truly sick, your child knowing they are not the gender assigned at birth is not a disease it is them being a human. Just like you know you are meant to be female some females born know they are meant to be males. There is no other way to explain it. Your children telling you they are not the gender they were born is not a "symptom" and they do not need to be counseled back to "normal." They need to know that they are loved and accepted and supported. In that situation, they need to know that you will walk with them along this journey. Yes, you have every right to go through a period of shock but you get over it and you be there for your child.
You mentioned that you will not be the parent to encourage your son to wear pink and play with dolls, and I know many parents who feel the same. I can also honestly say that as a parent I might do the same at times because I will forget that my kid can be whoever they want to be and they are not a mini me. But I am here to tell you that does not change who they are. I got hand me downs from a boy six months older than me as a small child and with my parents' financial situation that meant I wore what we could get. I also was gifted a Tonka truck by a family member for my first birthday. I loved that truck more than dolls some days. Yet here I am 18 totally straight and I still identify as a girl. Moral of that: toys and colors do not change a person.
I too will also raise my boys to respect women and teach them how to be good leaders. I also want them to be men of good values. But I will teach my girls the same. I will teach them to respect other females and males as well how they can be good strong leaders. My girls will have good values as well. And just like I will teach my girls how to be independent, honest, graceful and have dignity so will my boys. Human qualities are not gender specific.
But again we are not too different because I too will be praying for my children daily. I will pray that they do not fear who they really are, that they love themselves, that they will be healthy but above else that they will be happy. And I hope that if you are ever blessed with a transgender child that you will change your thinking because at the end of the day your child loves you and just wants you to accept them.