Resolutions. They come once a year and, among the shallow and the spiritual, many of the mediocre resolutions fall to the wayside. Like dusty library books, they are simply remembered and remarked upon as a "once upon a time" attempt to better oneself.
I resolved this year to not simply make resolutions, but to seek out ways to grow into the person I'm supposed to be. Last year ended in high spirits and higher times, and 2016 came into an already illuminated world. I guess calling resolutions a different name makes them no different, but by focusing on the future, I hope that if they become like dusty library books, that I perhaps finished them.
I ended 2015 and leaped into 2016 in the arms and on the lips of the one man whom it has always been for me. Removing the cheesiness and doe-eyed smiley times that come in the beginning months, on this subject I only want to say that in my few 24 years, I have come to understand how important it is to simply open your heart and let the rest happen the way it is supposed to.
With opening yourself to feeling love also comes opening yourself to giving love, and at the times when I have felt the loneliest, it was also when I gave the littlest of myself to others. The darkest and most ashamed moments were those when I was the most distant and separated from the people I care about most. And beyond that, I have come to understand that feeling of fulfillment that comes when giving yourself to strangers, to volunteer your energy and time and ultimately an afternoon to generosity and selflessness.
In 2015, I ventured to new cities and made memories in old ones. As my world got a little bigger, so did my dreams. Escaping cliched big city destinations and craving life in the Pacific Northwest, a new picture of my future life took shape in Seattle.
This year, in my final year of irresponsibility, I seek broader borders. Countries whose foreign tongues drip in history and triumph and trial and remain a mystery to me. As mid-summer sits high in the sky, I hope to stand in the presence of crumbling buildings and rich histories. On the cusp of a quarter of a century, I want to see the world before responsibility and the hardness of real life hits me. I want to enter the sea of adults a more cultured and comprehensive person. I want to seek out experiences that challenge my comfort and my wiles and my spirit.
Last year, I found myself working a part-time job, attending full-time classes, able to pay my bills and pass my classes. As the more important parts of my life fell into place, so did the minor details that always had me stuck. I made my own choices guilt-free, void of the desire to please anyone but myself. I could stay out late, get up early, sleep-in, and eat pizza for every meal all at my own fruition. As 23 turned to 24, I felt more and more grown up and the adult world seemed less scary; I enjoyed my new found freedoms and skills at taking care of myself. The looming date of graduation seemed less and less intimidating and the monstrous task of a respectable job turned into an exciting journey.
I have a pinpoint on the general location of future me, perhaps a comfortable and commendable job at a magazine or advertising firm. Or perhaps nothing comes of my career in the next year, but I want to keep trying, never fearing rejection.
So here's to the new year, a look forward to the potential promises of 2016 and the moments that come and go, like dusty library books, often forgotten but kept in the remembered corners of our minds, shaping experiences and our happiness.
