A few months ago, I made the decision to go back home after graduation. I was tossing and turning for weeks deciding on this - Would I regret it? Would I miss being abroad too much? What would happen to the relationships I made abroad? Was I really done being outside my comfort zone or was home outside my comfort zone now?

Many factors played into my decision. I didn’t feel like returning yet, but at the same time, I missed my family and I didn’t want to spend 8 years away (thinking about working for a few years and then doing a masters abroad). I also had a job offer that I loved in Costa Rica, and in the end, a combination of these made me decide to go back.

But going back didn’t come without challenges. Although I always missed home while abroad, it was as challenging to go back as it was to leave in the first place. Things change a lot in four years - I changed a lot; and so here is what my repatriation experience has been so far:

The Good

Family, family family. Family is a huge part of your life in Latin culture. I saw my grandparents, uncles and cousins at least once a week before I left and I really missed this abroad. Being back and knowing I can visit anyone whenever I want feels great. Besides, everyone who has exchanged more than three words with me knows I’m obsessed with my sisters. The fact is, I loved my life abroad, but I missed them like crazy. I missed a few years of their lives and even though I won’t get those back, it feels great to know I won’t miss the next few. Being able to build my relationship with my family is one of the best things about being back home.

Other than that, I can’t complain to have my food, music and friends back in my life. I loved the experience of being in a different culture, but there’s something really special about being back in a culture that feels like home, where I can have rice and beans for every meal and where a chill night out with friends always involves great vibes and danceable music (who am I kidding, it will usually turn into a party). Even though building relationships with people from all over the world was one of the best parts of being abroad, it feels great to know I can use all my weird Costarican sayings and everyone will understand. I met some REALLY cool people abroad, but Costa Ricans are still the most Pura Vida people I’ve met.

Bonus: I’m really liking my job.

The Bad

Living in the states had its perks - small things that I never would’ve realized I was missing if I hadn’t lived there, but that I do miss now that I’m back. Life there is just so convenient in so many ways.

For starters, I miss being able to do practically anything I had to do without leaving my bedroom. The days of online services are over now and although Costa Rica now has a lot of similar services (like Uber, online banking etc.) there are certain things I miss...like being able to order a pizza without having to pick up the phone. It is also a lot harder/slower to order anything online. I was spoiled in Boston, I admit it. I could wait last-minute to order something knowing it would be in my campus box two days later. I didn’t have to leave my room to shop for anything if I didn’t want to. Now I have to go to a store if I need something...but I’ll get over it!

The slower internet though… that one I’m still struggling with. We’ll see if I ever get used to it again. (Funny enough it crashed three times while I was trying to post this article... it's really testing my patience today.)

The Ugly

The worst part about being back is, by far, what I left behind...more specifically who I left behind. The friends I met in Boston were practically family now, and I find myself missing them just as much as I missed my actual family while I was there. Also, the fact that they are all scattered across the world (or will be soon) makes it a bit scary to think about when I’ll get to see them again. Even though no one is tying me down here, coming back feels like coming back… there’s something definite about it and it scares me some times.

As much as I love it, it scares me to know everyone here is like me. It scares me that it won’t be every day I meet someone who speaks a language I don’t know. It scares me that it won’t be every day I’ll get recommendations for foreign movies or songs or dances. It scares me I won’t get to attend Diwali celebrations, or Eid dinners or that I won’t have to wish anyone a happy Chinese New Year.

Still, I know for certain I’ll be back in the world soon enough, and that I’ll see my friends again at some point. Now that I’m back, I’ll take every chance I get to leave and I’ll take full advantage of those small windows I get to be away. Hopefully it’ll help me appreciate the world outside my borders even more.

When I decided to come back I was afraid of two things: That everything had changed and that nothing had. It turns out neither fully happened. Some things changed, some didn’t, some just seem different because of who I’ve become. I’m re-discovering home and how I fit here every day. But the most valuable things about being back home was the re-assurance that it’s still home and that it will always be. I carry a bit of it with me whenever I’m gone and I realized I’m lucky enough to know that no matter what, it will be here when I come back.