Getting out of a two year relationship right before college started was a major shock for me, especially since I was beginning a new life in a completely different environment. I hadn’t been alone in so long that I didn’t know how to cope with being single. It took me 3 months, dating 5 boys, and doing a lot of crying to realize the only person I needed to be with right now is myself. I kept trying to seek affection from random boys until I realized I won’t ever find true happiness in distractions, which is exactly what these boys were. They kept me from recognizing that I need to piece together my own puzzle before I try to fit into anyone else’s. But, for so long I was terrified of what it felt like to be alone. I would either sit in my closet with all the things my ex boyfriend had given me and cry until it felt like I burned a hole in my vocal cords or I would push away that feeling and refuse to confront it. But a few months and a random epiphany later, I realized that to find myself and love myself, I must first date myself. No one else is going to be my rock to lean on and no one else should be. I am strong enough to lean on myself. So, here is a letter to remind myself of that.
Dear Me,
I know sometimes you wake up lonely and sometimes you go to sleep lonely. I know sometimes you watch people holding hands and you get jealous. But I also know that you are a wonderfully independent young woman and you have a spark of empowerment that is ready to be ignited. You have already spent so much of your small life seeking the attention of others that you’ve neglected to be attentive of yourself. You keep thinking a part of you is missing, but it isn’t. So, make me a promise. Turn away for a moment. Spend time with yourself. Tell yourself you are beautiful every day and believe it. Yes, there are gorgeous boys on campus and no, I am not denying you the right to stare at them…just remember that you don’t need them to feel complete. If you are feeling lonely, and you will surround yourself with the positivity of your friends because they’re amazing people. You’re lucky to be where you are right now. Don’t take a single second for granted. Read the books you’ve always wanted to read. Watch the movies you’ve always wanted to watch. Take more bubble baths. Take Theo on more walks. Do everything you’ve ever wanted to do and never feel like you have to answer to anyone because you don’t. You are worth every second of your time on this earth and you should damn sure never forget that. Unpack your baggage, appreciate the things inside, and then put your stuff away. Look forward to the life ahead of you because it has a lot of things planned. Don’t risk missing out on what the world has to offer for a fleeting moment of temporary satisfaction.
Love,
The Reminder That You’re Already Whole
