Remember His Freckles And The Ache You Feel From His Absence
Start writing a post
Entertainment

Remember His Freckles And The Ache You Feel From His Absence

You were born with a heart to break it.

158
Remember His Freckles And The Ache You Feel From His Absence
Pexels

That’s when you see them. In those few seconds your eyes close to avoid the sting of the shampoo racing down your features in the shower, or in that mindless blur from when you turn onto a road you’ve driven on for years, or in those final ticking moments of consciousness before sleep, it’s then that you see them.

There they are. The subject of your adoration from years ago, when you were still fifteen and they thought you were funny and you thought you two would get married. Your first love. There they are, clear as day in your mind’s eye.

Just as tangible as their face, just as literal, comes to your body aching at the thought of their resurrection. Those undulating waves of cold skin, shivering hands, the roller coaster’s creeping up over the hump and about to drop, hot cheeks, heavy-faced- aching.

You have their face in your mind right now, their name clutched in your teeth, and that pressure pulling your insides to your feet, don’t you?

Fantastic.

Look at your own hands. Look into your own eyes. Smile because you still have a body that will hurt you. Don’t push that feeling away- that physical reaction you conjured up from just a thought. Don’t lose it- that raw reactivity. Celebrate the fact that you kept the wound open with red all these years as to continue to see the lifeblood rushing underneath the skin. Yes, this hurts, but it means you’re alive!

There’s a quote I’ve recently attached to that I keep finding increasingly poignant. Within the final moments of the widely successful film and novel “Call Me by Your Name”, the lead character’s father tells his son this-

“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything - what a waste!”

It’s true.

I recently felt a heartbreak I thought would destroy me. My instinctual reaction was to pry away this fragile chapter that had just ended from the novel of my life. I wanted to completely maim every beautiful sentence and paragraph of memories’ past to alleviate some of the pain of their being written at all and not being written anymore.

But all that would leave me is this wretched scar as a reminder of the end and my destruction of all the fantastic in between. I will not sully the history of my years in an effort to preserve a heart that needs no preserving to live.

So, revel in that live wire nature of your body. Thank yourself for staying raw, staying outstretched towards others, and for never hardening over the years, for never shutting yourself off, for never losing your spark.

Certainly, you know of those who lost that light behind their eyes through cataclysmic events they just couldn't get through. Let us not be one of those people. Let us fight and fight and fight for healing and for the trust to give that freshly healed heart away again and again and again because it is in that perpetuity that life happens.

Our library of lives will be so full of the gore of heartbreak, and even though the ink may not have even been purchased yet to write of our healing, the healing will come. But it is vital that the many chapters of our individual healing are preceded by page after page after page of every gorgeous love we’ve ever felt and every devastating end that came from them.

For your next inevitable heartbreak- remember- through all the blood and tissue and splintered bone- still lies a heart just for you. Your heart- it's beating your Lifesong and pumping your lifeblood and housing in all of its chambers the many stories of your destruction and repair. It is alive for you. It is there to be hurt for you so that you can live thousands of fantastically brutal devastations and trillions of fantastically magnificent perfections.

Do not fear the pain of an end. Always- ALWAYS- revel at every beginning and every second of every in between. If not, then what’s the point of living at all if not to risk said "all" for fleeting moments of pure and absolute perfection?

Now join me, wounded and bloodied, we will hold our arms outstretched to a humanity that either mirrors our raw visage or stands comfortably poised forever as self-made statue headstones. We will hurt greater hurts than we ever could fathom to exist, and not just survive, but live.

So close your eyes, remember that dimple they had on their right cheek or the way their freckles got darker in the summer, and take pride in your being hurt, being loved, and being alive.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Being a pharmacy technician never held as many risks as it does now. Exposure too hazardous conditions were little to none, and garbing up was only conducted in IV compounding. But, now, in order to give nurses the medications they need to help their patients, they need us, pharmacy technicians.

Keep Reading... Show less

First and foremost, shame on you for encouraging the patriarchy and sexism as you police a female's clothing choices. You cannot control our bodies, but what you can advocate for is public health and safety. This includes demoralizing rape, slut-shaming, and protecting society from illness.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

11 Reasons Why Getting A Cat Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Cats may mess up your puzzles but they'll always love you unconditionally — as long as you have some catnip, that is.

Scout Guarino

Alright, everyone, it's time to stop spreading the rumor that all cats are mean, aloof, and hate everyone. Like dogs, each cat has its own personality and tendencies. Some like a lot of attention, some like less — each person has to find the right cat for them. As for me, my cats Bienfu and Reptar have seen me at my worst, but they've also helped pull me out of it. They're a constant in my life and they give me the strength to get through the day in spite of my depression, and there's even scientific evidence to support it!

Keep Reading... Show less

Picture this, we're settling into our date, the conversation is flowing, we're ordering drinks, laughing, and then it happens... the job convo.

Him: "So what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a dating and relationships editor."

Keep Reading... Show less
Disney

I've always been a huge Disney villain fan — whether it was for their cryptic one-liners, enviable outfits, or sidekick banter. Some of the most iconic lines from cinematic history have been said by the characters we love to hate and occasionally dress up as once a year.

The fear-mongering Gaston I now find hilariously cringe-worthy is now charming and oftentimes considered by fans as rightfully justified in his actions. Die-hard fans of the Disney villain fan club claim alternate egos in their favorite evil characters, adopting their hilarious witticisms into everyday life.

Keep Reading... Show less

- I have extremely sensitive skin, which is why I have always resorted to a plant-based organic beauty line such as Radha Beauty.

- Radha Beauty won me over years ago when I was looking for organic skincare brands.

- I was so excited to see they launched a new line incorporating USDA organic rosehip oil, so when their PR team sent me some, I could not have been more thrilled.

- After a week of using the products, my face felt as smooth as a baby's, looked more glowy than ever, and even cured some of my summer sunburn.

Radha Beauty isn't just a best-selling beauty brand on Amazon — it's a USDA-certified organic beauty brand I live by, and anyone who knows me knows I am all about holistic wellness.

Typically, it only takes three days for me to tell if a skin product is working or not because I have extremely sensitive skin. It's also why I have always stuck by plant-based organic beauty lines such as Radha Beauty.

Keep Reading... Show less

Anyone who goes to Panera Bread will tell you that their mac and cheese is to die for. If you're a huge fan of their mac and cheese, you won't believe the new recipe they're coming out with!

Keep Reading... Show less

I have definitely had my fair share of breakups. I broke up with my high school sweetheart my second semester of college (he was cheating on me), I had a breakup with another guy I thought I was going to marry, and others in between. Regardless of whether you're the one doing the dumping or being dumped, breakups can HURT.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

I Asked My Boyfriend His Opinion On Liking Other Girls’ Pictures, And, Spoiler Alert, It's Cheating

"When you get into a relationship and you're in love, you have to realize that liking photos is for the single lifestyle."

Ladies, listen up. If you are in a relationship with a guy and he is liking other girls' pictures on social media, then it's a red flag. A man who can look at someone else and show interest by liking it means he doesn't care about your feelings AT ALL.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Epic Activewear Deals Every Leggings-Lover Needs To Know About From Nordstrom's Biggest Sale

Wearing my pleather Alo leggings till someone physically removes them from my body.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not an athletic person, at all. Since junior high school, I've been happily cheering my friends on at their football games and soccer matches from the sidelines as long as I could go home to my yoga mat and spend Sunday mornings at Pilates with my mom's friends.

Weekends are often spent in my casual wear, from the second I throw them on for morning meditation through running errands and evening walks. No, I won't be running a marathon or joining my friend's volleyball league anytime soon.

Keep Reading... Show less

TikTok was banned by the president, but Instagram is here with its newest feature called Reel. Many of us are still wondering why TikTok was being banned in the first place. Was it all the dangerous TikTok trends? It was because of a security concern, but not in the way you might think.

TikTok is owned by Dancebyte, which is a China-owned company. Basically, just like any other app, TikTok collects the user's data. The main question to ask yourself when investing in any app or marketing tools who will be owning my data? So yes, China currently owns all the TikTok user's data worldwide.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Reasons To Put The Damn Mask On, And Stop Fussing With It

COVID-19 is real people, do your part to protect yourself and others.

Ilana Stein

With the ever-changing reality of our world due to COVID-19, there has been one constant throughout these past unforeseen months, masks. Ever since coronavirus hit the ground running in the US, the CDC has been recommending social distancing and mask-wearing to stop the rapid spread.

Many people have been great about adhering to these policies, mandates, and suggested uses, but others, not so much.

Keep Reading... Show less

I've been an athlete my entire life. I love movement and I've been jumping, kicking, swimming, dancing, throwing, you name it since I was in diapers. I'm also pretty competitive and probably went through a few sore loser phases. What can I say? I like to win, and losing can sometimes feel like I've failed. Especially, when your competitor is your best friend or someone that you worked all year long to defeat.

Keep Reading... Show less

Social media is something many of us have been addicted to (whether we want to believe it or not) since the moment we got it. I remember getting Facebook at 10. Instantly I was hooked. I loved being able to share my life with people, a little too much in my opinion, and I loved being able to see how/what other people were doing all the time.

Keep Reading... Show less

I am not in any way any sort of medical expert. These are just some tricks that work for me and have worked for others who also suffer from anxiety. These may not work for everyone, but I do hope these help some people in their fight against anxiety.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments