I Rely On My Antidepressants And That's OK
Health and Wellness

My Body And Brain Are Dependent Upon My Antidepressants, And I'm OK With That

Medical conditions require medication.

343
My Body And Brain Are Dependent Upon My Antidepressants, And I'm OK With That
Zoe James

At the early-ish age of 13, I went on my first antidepressant. A few months later, after we decided it wasn't working, my doctor put me on another one...that also didn't work.

After a slew of different medications, doctors and stressful life changes that ultimately led to me staying in the hospital for three weeks in October of my sophomore year of high school, the team of doctors that treated me in the hospital finally started me on a medication that made significant improvements in my mental health.

I actually wanted to get out of bed in the morning.

I could make it through a day without having an anxiety attack or breakdown.

I did not want to die.

I stayed on that medication for a few years, and when I told my doctor at home that I was still just struggling to fall asleep, tired all the time and felt that, while I still felt significantly better than I did before, I knew I could feel better.

He tacked on a second medication, one that enabled me to fall asleep within two hours of going to bed every night.

At this point in my life, these medications do feel a bit like I may be starting to become immune to them, in a way, and I do not feel they're as effective now as they once were.

But I know that if I were to stop taking them altogether, not only would my mind fall back into a dark place, my body would literally go through withdrawal.

If I run out of my nighttime medication, I cannot fall asleep. Yes, eventually I will, but without taking that pill, I will go to bed and not fall asleep for up to eight hours after I first laid down. My brain does not stop working. I will lay in bed, thinking over every possible event in my life, overanalyzing things, for hours on end.

If I run out of my morning medication or forget to take it, within a few hours past the time that I normally take it, my body starts to freak out. I get shaky, sweaty and by the end of the day, sad.

My body and my brain both rely on my medications. I know that I could not function without them, at least not at first. The shaky feeling I get on days I forget to take those morning pills is scary because it reminds me just how badly I need those pills.

Then, I remember that depression and anxiety (both of which my medications treat) are medical issues. Any other medical issue that can be treated by medication is treated by medication or some medical procedure.

Your head hurts, you take ibuprofen.

You break your arm, you wear a cast.

You're diabetic, you take insulin.

I have depression and anxiety, so I take my antidepressants that double as anti-anxiety medications. It's that simple, and I shouldn't be ashamed of it.

Report this Content
Swoon

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Nordstrom's Biggest Sale Has The Most Legendary Deals On Luxury Beauty Brands We've Ever Seen

Counting down the days to the Chanel box set gracing my front door.

I oftentimes (excessively) use the excuse of my job as a writer to justify my excessive spending habits.

I needed the new Huda Beauty palette before anyone else in the name of journalistic integrity. It was my job to test out the new Francis Kurkdjian fragrance to make sure I could tell people whether or not it was truly worth the splurge (it was).

Keep Reading... Show less

Listen, you can do whatever you want with your free time. It's yours to spend and you have free range. However, I hope you recognize that there are a ton of proactive things you can do right now instead of stalking your man's ex – yes, I know you do it becuase we are all guilty of it.

Take this time to research your privilege. There are always new things to learn and ways to deepen your understanding of yourself, this world, and your surroundings. We live in a multi-dimensional, ever-changing society that needs your help and your time. By that, I mean there are so many layers to each and every one of us, and with our physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional selves, we can create real, positive change.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Preview These Top Nordstrom Anniversary Sale 2020 Picks — From Luxury Purses To Skincare

Currently 3 million people viewing the Stella McCartney purse I absolutely must have.

Online shopping has been a guilty pleasure of ours for years, but now more than ever it's been a shopping lover's outlet for all our home redecorating projects and resort wear we're purchasing for that trip we had to cancel.

One of my favorite places to (virtually) window shop has always been Nordstrom. I admittedly can't afford to go on sprees there often, but I still get a high off of adding things to my cart I know I'll never actually end up buying. But sometimes, that's not enough — that's when I, like the masses of luxury-, beauty-, fashion-, and decor-lovers around the world count the days down to the annual Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.

Keep Reading... Show less

I remember the days where closet drinking before going to a party or bar was part of the night's itinerary. It was a requirement to have a good buzz flowing before calling the Uber to take you to that bar where you see everyone from your high school at. The pregames were the best part of the night, but it wasn't ever because of the alcohol, it was because of the atmosphere and those who were in it. The number of times I've heard "Wait, why aren't you drinking tonight? C'mon, get drunk with us" is endless, but think about it. Where were you when you were asked that? You were at the goddamn pregame and being there doesn't mean you need to be ripping shots. Being social doesn't require alcohol.

I asked 20 people how they cut back on alcohol while still being social.

Keep Reading... Show less

Whether you are quarantining away from your significant other because of coronavirus or separated by the country lines at this time, it's fair to say that long-distance relationships are tough no matter what. However, there are ways to show love from a distance whether that's through daily FaceTime calls, cute Snapchats, or sexy pics sent to them on their phone. You can brighten up their day even more with some of these unique gifts that can fit any price range and a variety of interests.

Keep Reading... Show less

Rihanna is known for many things: her music, fashion, makeup, and now skincare. As a makeup artist myself, I can confidently say that she rocked the makeup world when she released her makeup line in 2017 and has been influencing the beauty world ever since.

Trying some of her makeup products myself, I know that she doesn't skimp on quality, and even though some of her products may be a little pricey, trust me, you get what you pay for.

Keep Reading... Show less

Friends, no one needs to be reminded that the COVID-19 pandemic rages on in the U.S. Frankly, this is because we have all collectively decided not to do the one simple thing that was asked of us and wear a mask.

I could make this a very boring article, and berate you with facts and statistics and the importance of wearing a mask, but I have opted against that for both of our sakes. Instead, I will attempt to reach you in another way. You might not care about a disapproving look from me, but from Nick Miller? Maybe that will be enough to change your mind.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments