I recently saw a post on VSCO that read, "you can't find your soulmate if you don't make out with strangers." It was widely reposted by various users of the platform and seemed to be garnering a great amount of attention and appreciation. But for me, the college freshman who has never once believed in the so-called "hook-up" culture… My first thought was, what? I'm supposed to dictate who is worth my time emotionally and physically by first judging them on a physically intimate basis?
Look, I understand it's college. And in college, students of all ages hook up with fellow classmates and people they meet at parties. I will never try to shelter myself and say it doesn't happen because I know damn well it does.
But the idea that you're supposed to find the one through engaging in physical activities with random people you meet seems to be missing the mark a bit, at least in my opinion. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned for believing this way, but hear me out.
It's one thing to pursue someone you find attractive. It's something else entirely to engage in otherwise private physical activities with someone you've just met. There is more respect involved in getting to know someone as a person at least a little bit before deciding that you want to be intimate with them.
No one wants to be taken advantage of or used. And at the same token, no one wants to make themselves physically or emotionally vulnerable to someone they just met, and then get dumped days later. Yet those are the kinds of conditions that I'm afraid the hookup culture is perpetuating. Chances are, the person you're hooking up with is engaging in such activities purely for the physical aspect.
Hooking up is easy. This idea likely explains why so many people participate in it. It's immediate gratification without having to develop any level of trust or love in your partner first. So I beg the question, why would you expect someone to stay with you if their first conquest was the physical aspect of you? More often than not, you probably won't talk to the person again, and if you do, things could get complicated knowing that you already had some degree of sexual interaction with them.
Let's forget about the future nature of the relationship with the person you hook up with. Think about strictly yourself. In this day and age, people like to turn to networks such as Instagram to instantly share photos from the beach, their latest selfie, and so on. Hey, I am even guilty of doing it. But we depend so much on the short-term validation we receive from social media and hookups that we become confused when we suddenly don't feel that confidence the day after we post that picture, or the day after we hook up with that hot guy at the party.
True confidence and validation take months, if not years, to build up. It stems from emotional support from family and peers, a strong sense of belief in oneself, and the ability to push yourself to become who you are truly meant to be. These values come second to the reward we receive when we hook up with that random person. That person hasn't learned who you are as a person and how strong-willed you are. All they care about at that moment in time is the immediate pleasure they receive from you as a physical being. So again I ask, how the hell is that person "soulmate" worthy in the first place?
