5 Key Ingredients For A Healthy Relationship Pie

5 Key Ingredients For A Healthy Relationship Pie

Keep someone sweet.
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Relationships are like a recipe for baking. It takes time to rise to the occasion and after you get through all the flour, it makes one sweet confection. Of course, like a pie or Pinterest, no relationship or recipe will be the same. If a relationship could be measured, here are some ingredients to include in your recipe for a healthy relationship.

1. 25% Love

Having love for each other has different definitions for different people. Whatever your meaning of love is, you want to make sure it is your significant other's too. Love needs time to discover itself and requires awareness and dedication, so make time to learn to love. The love that's most important to a relationship is love that is not blindsided by emotions. Being romantic is good, but if it's only sweet nothings or words and not actions, love becomes a bout of empty promises and pure fantasy. Just watch any episode of "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" and try to find true love in a half hour in front of cameras and microphones. Love yourself, love each other, love the relationship.

2. 25% Honesty

One of the biggest priorities in a relationship is honesty. Being able to know how both of you feel is necessary for any kind of relationship to develop and remain. No one has to tell the other everything, but do share what shouldn't be avoided, what can potentially harm, if not you, the other. Something in your past makes you feel uneasy and you think it would be best to keep it to yourself. Meanwhile, your partner thinks everything is fine and does everything to make the relationship work except console you and your past. Don't let one detail jeopardize your well-being or the relationship. Breath, clear the air, be understanding.

3. 25% Compromise

Deciding what to eat, what to do with the afternoon, or some alone time are all events that can strengthen or siphon a relationship. Knowing what each other wants and coming to a reasonable consensus keeps your interests in mind while also catering to the other's interests. Compromise is an opportunity to find out what you don't like and what you do like. Finding an even trade-off by making some sacrifices makes for a happier, healthier, more balanced relationship.

4. 15% Affection

We think of affection as physical signs but it doesn't always have to be. The thought counts too, but don't forget, showing is its own special way of telling. Listening, talking candidly, giving advice, thinking forward and making the day about your significant other every now and then, these are all good ways to show your affection. Thoughtful motives show you care about creating and keeping a relationship. Affection allows you to give, receive, show, and tell your love, honesty, and compromises during small and big moments. Affection creates and recreates your relationship and keeps your relationship consistent and flexible.

5. 10% Sex

Sex isn't necessary for a loving relationship to flourish. Intimacy is not limited to just sex. Pleasure is one thing but satisfaction is another. Before sex even crosses your minds, you don't want to rush or impose anything without consent. What's comfortable to you may not be comfortable with your significant other. It doesn't get more intimate than this and for a stable relationship, you want it to mean more than just physical pleasure. If you both decide to have sex, let it be safe but fun. Make sure you both are having a good time.

Relationships are our need to know in some way that our time and love is being appreciated and acknowledged. Nothing could be sweeter than that. Except sweet potato pie; that's an extra 10% free of charge.

Cover Image Credit: Brooke Larke

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To The Dad Who Didn't Want Me, It's Mutual Now

Thank you for leaving me because I am happy.
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Thank you, for leaving me.

Thank you, for leaving me when I was little.

Thank you, for not putting me through the pain of watching you leave.

Thank you, for leaving me with the best mother a daughter could ask for.

I no longer resent you. I no longer feel anger towards you. I wondered for so long who I was. I thought that because I didn't know half of my blood that I was somehow missing something. I thought that who you were defined me. I was wrong. I am my own person. I am strong and capable and you have nothing to do with that. So thank you for leaving me.

In my most vulnerable of times, I struggled with the fact that you didn't want me. You could have watched me grow into the person that I have become, but you didn't. You had a choice to be in my life. I thought that the fact that my own father didn't want me spoke to my own worth. I was wrong. I am so worthy. I am deserving, and you have nothing to do with that. So thank you for leaving me.

You have missed so much. From my first dance to my first day of college, and you'll continue to miss everything. You won't see me graduate, you won't walk me down the aisle, and you won't get to see me follow my dreams. You'll never get that back, but I don't care anymore. What I have been through, and the struggles that I have faced have brought me to where I am today, and I can't complain. I go to a beautiful school, I have the best of friends, I have an amazing family, and that's all I really need.

Whoever you are, I hope you read this. I hope you understand that you have missed out on one of the best opportunities in your life. I could've been your daughter. I could have been your little girl. Now I am neither, nor will I ever be.

So thank you for leaving me because I am happy. I understand my self-worth, and I understand that you don't define me. You have made me stronger. You have helped make me who I am without even knowing it.

So, thank you for leaving me.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To My First Best Friend Who I Lost Because I Was Foolish

We all make mistakes, but losing you was the one I wish I never made.

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When we met, we were young. Two twelve-year-old girls with little to no life experience, naive and waiting for the world to come at us with all that it had.

We bonded quickly over anything and everything (whatever that could have been at this age) and became inseparable soon enough. Hours spent talking on the phone about which PBS cartoon was the best or what kind of boys were our "type" strengthened our blooming friendship and, for once, I felt like I finally had someone I could call my best friend.

I told you everything. I told you about my family and why I don't talk to certain members, and you told me about your family and why you don't know certain members. We trusted each other with our deepest and darkest secrets, we found solace in each other when it got hard to speak and we comforted each other when memories triggered emotions that were beyond our capabilities to handle.

As the months passed by, you became a bigger part of my life little by little. I remember a time where I couldn't have pictured going a day without talking to each other, and it seems like a lifetime ago when we would wake up early in the morning and immediately get on the phone after going to sleep late the night before.

I never wanted to believe that friendships don't last forever, despite what I had always heard. I wanted us to be different; I wanted us to be the exception that everyone could look at and say, "those are real best friends."

But I never took into consideration that sometimes, friendships don't last because one of the parties f**** it up.

We could talk in circles about what happened between us (we probably have) and we'd still end up at the same conclusion: It was me. And, at the end of the day, I think I always knew that I was the detrimental factor in our ultimate demise.

I did what every girl swears they will never do, what every girl says is the absolute worst thing to do: I chose my boyfriend over our friendship, and it's my biggest regret.

It's not that I meant to. I never thought I would even be capable of choosing anyone over you. We were unstoppable and I always believed I could never find anyone to be more important in my life than you, my best friend.

But, when you're "young and in love" (or blinded by what you think is love) you make stupid decisions without thinking of the consequences that will surely come.

I can't remember exactly what the situation was, or maybe I can and I just don't see a point in hashing it out for the millionth time because it only reminds me of what I wish I could change. Regardless, I don't think the details matter when the end result is what changed our lives forever.

The truth is, I don't really know how your life was after the fact. I know that I had a relationship that I dreaded, friends that I probably took for granted, and family that I didn't thank enough. But I never asked what got you through my absence, if my absence hurt as much to you as it did to me, or when you realized that you didn't need me anymore as much as you thought you did.

Maybe I didn't need to know, and maybe I still don't, it's just interesting to see how self-centered I was.

I've grown up a lot since then. I've dealt with some of the hardest things I would never wish upon anyone, I've come to see who I am and who I'm meant to be, and I've acknowledged and accepted my faults and mistakes a thousand times over.

I know I apologized to you more times than you can count, but I know that I'll never be able to say sorry enough. You were my better half, my lifeline, my best friend, and I kick myself every day for throwing it away like it meant nothing when it was everything.

We've moved past it together as much as we can, and we're now able to look back and chalk it up to "silly teenage girl things," but it doesn't mean that it can be erased. Our friendship exists now, but I can't help but wonder what it could have been if nothing would have happened.

2007 is a long time ago, twelve years since we met to be exact. We're both going to be twenty-four this year (you already are, I still have a month to go) and it would have been a friendship for the record books if we had made it this far.

Maybe our weddings would have been planned together. Maybe we would have been each other's maids of honor, and maybe we would have each planned kickass bachelorette parties that would never have been forgotten.

I know I don't want to have kids, but maybe in another world we could have been pregnant at the same time. Our kids could have been born with a best friend already chosen, one that would love and support them the same way that we would have done for each other. And though a lot of kids hate being thrown into friendships with their parents' kids, maybe ours would have been the exception.

I don't know what would have been, and I could go on forever with the "maybes" and the "what ifs" but it doesn't change the fact that they're all simply wishes and dreams, those that were lost the moment I turned my back on a friendship that was always there when I needed it.

You and me, we've found our homes in new people. We've formed bonds, made connections and surrounded ourselves with those who love us, and I think that's great and it's how it should be.

Still, I wish we could be for each other what we once were, what we should have been.

I made mistakes and I walked away from a friendship that was everything I needed it to be, and there's not a day that goes by in which I don't regret it.

And even though life goes on and we had to find a way to go along with it, I wouldn't mind going back and choosing differently. Because I know now that friendships as important and as pure as the one we had should always come first.

Always.

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