Let’s face it: sleep is the best thing to ever happen to a person. These are solid facts, people. So, if you think mornings are a heinous gift sent straight from Satan himself, keep reading.

First of all, if you’re not a morning person, you may have alarms set for 7:25, 7:30, 7:35, 7:40, and so on just for your 8 a.m. You’ve mastered the art of getting ready in 10 minutes so you can experience the preciousness of sleep for as long as possible.

Speaking of getting up, people may be afraid to wake you up. This is a legitimate fear for people. My roommate has let me sleep through so many of my classes because she didn’t want to risk waking me up. I don’t mean to turn into a homicidal maniac when I get woken up, it just kind of happens. I’m serious, people. I’m a nice person, very sassy, but a nice person overall. But I will say and do things that could hurt your feelings. Beware of non-morning people in the a.m.

Don’t even get me started on forceful ways of waking someone up. This means turning the lights on, pulling off the covers, jumping on them and the worst, anything involving water. I cannot promise your safety if you do any of these to wake me up in the morning. I’m just going to leave it at that.

Up next, coffee. Oh, sweet, sweet coffee. Where do I begin to express my love for you? You are the wind beneath my tired wings. You lift me up when I just want to go back to sleep. You are my savior on Mondays. If it were legal to marry coffee, I would have done so five times by now. My love for coffee is eternal.

So if any of you early birds are reading this now, maybe you can understand just how night owls’ minds work. And to all you night owls out there, keep doing you.