I am not representing the entirety of the world’s female population, but if you’re a young, mildly insecure woman who’s in a relationship, there’s a high chance you’re also going to be a tad bit curious about his dating history for many reasons.

The insecure side of you wants to know what kinds of women he’s chosen in the past. Are you prettier than them or are they prettier than you? Do you know any of them? All very unnecessary trains of thought that you somehow try to justify out of undying curiosity.

Let me tell you that I have definitely learned the hard way.

I think it’s safe to say that I’m in a happy relationship with a man that is amazing in more ways than one. I just couldn’t help but be curious about his former history because I attend a really small college and that whole “curiosity killed the cat” thing was really getting to me.

I totally regretted looking up his dating history. I had encounters with about more than half of the girls he had dated. Some of them I knew had reputations, some I thought were nice, another was a former best friend, others I had conversations with at bars, some of them had me on social media and one of them I rather despised. He had dated rather diversely, as they were all girls with different interests and personalities. I was more relieved to not know the girls rather than to have personally known the ones he had been affiliated with.

So here’s the lesson learned: I compared myself to them out of insecurity. The fully saying about curiosity killing the cat is that “satisfaction brought it back,” and I can tell you there was no satisfaction. I didn’t need to know who these people were because I realized that who my boyfriend is now is a result of having had them in a moment of his life. Everything that I appreciate about him today is a direct consequence of having experienced their presence in his life. Instead of freaking out at them and considering them competition, I should actually be thanking them. There’s a reason why he didn’t end up with them at the end of the day. They are all leading lives separate from his. He had crossed paths with each of these individuals and became the person he is today.

So the next time you decide to dig into his past, try thinking about why you think it’s necessary. They played a small, yet, significant, part of his life and now he’s with you. That should be all that matters now. Instead of focusing on his past, you should focus on your present because he didn’t end up with any of them anyway.