A lot of people say they don’t have regrets. I used to be one of these people. I used to tell myself “I don’t have regrets because, in that moment, that was exactly what I wanted.”
There is something completely liberating about claiming you aren’t connected to your past mistakes. It makes you seem like you know what you’re doing; it makes you feel strong. However, this approach seems to disconnect with the past instead of allowing you to grow from it.
We shouldn’t aim to not have regrets; it would be nearly impossible to live a life without them. Rather, we should focus on understanding, progress, and healing.
Here are five ways regrets can help you grow.
1. Try to learn from your faults.
Sometimes we need to rescind our past decision-making. We need to allow ourselves to grow from the past, not disconnect from it. We retrospectively understand that these regrets were completely necessary for that time in our lives. These regrets shape who we are today; I wouldn't be who I am today without them.
2. Understand how these regrets can positively shape who you are.
When late night (sometimes drunken) conversations turn to people’s biggest regrets, someone inevitably asks, “Is there anything you would change about your past?”
We all have things we aren’t satisfied with. We all have moments we replay in our minds.
But, we cannot progress without making these mistakes. We cannot attain this wiser, retrospective view without actually experiencing these errors.
Look on the bright side. Don't repeat your faults and know that your blunders eventually create beauty.
3. Don't dwell on your past.
Rephrase the question of "What was your biggest mistake?"
We shouldn’t ask “What was your biggest mistake?” Rather, we should ask “How have you grown from your mistakes? What have you changed about your life to make sure you don’t repeat the same faults? How have you endeavored to make yourself a better person, despite your past?”
Yes, I have regrets. So do you.
But, our pasts should not have the power to define us. Sometimes people with the worst pasts end up creating the brightest futures.
4. Understand that mistakes and regrets are integral to the story you write.
We learn something rare and irrevocable from these regrets; we understand that they are integral components of our story and shape our character. Every mistake I have made has shaped the person I am today. It certainly has not been easy, but each of my mistakes has forced me to mature and understand the larger picture.
5. Take action.
Use your mistakes and regrets to create a stronger person. Don't disconnect with your mistakes and claim "that's what I wanted so I don't regret the decision." This stubbornness does not contribute to growth. Alternatively, understand that you would have made a difference decision, or acted in a different way—admit this and progress from it.
Regret is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as "feel[ing] sad or sorry about something you did or did not do." This word carries an extremely negative connotation; however, we should strive to replace these feelings of anguish and self-accusation with something that will positively influence our future.
Try to learn something from your faults, look on the bright side of the situation, don’t dwell on your past, understand that these mistakes are necessary, and take action from them.
There is so much I would change about my past. I would take back my rash decisions; I would take back the times I hurt people I loved; I would take back the times I allowed myself to hurt from other people.
So, absolutely. I have regrets; you have regrets—we all regret something.
We will all find a way to make these regrets a part of the story we write. Our stories are the ladders that make it possible to pierce the negativity of our past and propel into the future.
We make sense of our past experiences through regret, we avoid similar mistakes, and we progress.
