This is very confusing if you happened to have read my other articles. I will start by saying that I no longer identify as a lesbian but I once did firmly believe that I was. At that point, I had nothing but negative experiences with men and I did know that I did have feelings for females. I was quite confused, it is fairly evident that I spent most of my middle school years in confusion.
I didn’t know that having feelings for girls was very possible since I was pretty sheltered as a kid and my parents never spoke about it with me. It was a very new idea. I only knew two things. I was capable of liking girls and I was angry at the things that men did to me. I was literally so dramatic.
Things have a way of seeming like more of a big deal when you’re in them. I did have a fear of men, no question. The only men that I had been around at that point were manipulative and mean.
When I realized this fact and came to terms with my sexuality, it was very difficult for me to hide it from my parents. I wanted them to know because it was a part of me. It was super important that they knew who I was which is why I made the decision to bring it up, to begin with.
In hindsight, this caused unnecessary problems for me.
My parents were not happy about it, they were not excited about the idea that I would never be with a man and that I would never have children, to put it lightly. I don’t intend to drag my parents. I can’t be upset about their reaction, it’s not something that was the norm until recently.
They were convinced that I was confused. I didn’t believe that so I turned against them.
It caused a huge rift in my family life for some time. I was angry because who I was didn’t really matter. They didn’t believe me nor did they acknowledge it. They were sad because they’re relatively old-fashioned people and their daughter liking other girls was scandalous.
I think about it now and I wish I had waited to tell my parents about my sexuality.
Over time, I learned to separate the men who hurt me and negatively affected from the general population. As I grew older, I came to terms with the fact that I did like men. I liked women, but I also liked men.
I wasn’t able to back out of the statement I made so clear to everyone back then.
Some people I went to school still believe I am a lesbian. My parents are unsure of my sexuality because I never brought it up again. I was embarrassed because I made a mistake. It wasn’t until I started dating my boyfriend that there was an indication that I liked men. Before him, I was quiet about my relationships.
I wish I did wait because it the shame of being wrong kept me from being truthful with myself and with my family.
It was a very painful thing to be closeted and once being out, meeting only obstacles. I personally would advise kids that are trying to figure out their sexual orientation to wait some time, be absolutely sure and then tell those that you love.
I know what came from coming out too early. A lot of strife and confusion. I can attest that it’s better to wait until you’re safe.
Unfortunately, it’s the sad truth that it’s not simple to come out and that there’s even a need to do so.
To everyone that is thinking about coming out, I wish you the best of luck. To those that already have, I applaud you for your courage. Sexuality is a tricky subject in a lot of families and in our society.
