Why I Refuse To Settle For Less In A Relationship

Why I Refuse To Settle For Less In A Relationship

Don't Take My Love For Granted.

It's easy to convince ourselves that we should keep our standards and expectations at a minimum to avoid getting hurt. It's easy to look in the mirror and see nothing but the imperfections and flaws rather than beauty. It's easy to make excuses for people we care about and it's easy to be let down, even though we ignored those red flags and failed to see the faults a person has made because of something called love.

When you care deeply about a person, you see them in a way that is often false. Sometimes our image of what and who we think a person is doesn’t add up to who they really are in reality. Although, overlooking their flaws and imperfections isn't necessarily wrong. No one is perfect and in order to succeed in a relationship you have to be willing to love someone no matter the cost. The difference is whether you are overlooking flaws or settling for less than you deserve.

It’s okay to excuse the fact that someone never hangs up their towel or never picks up their dishes and it’s okay to excuse even bigger things. Bigger things like communicating their feelings, but convinced you they are trying to work on it. Maybe they have family issues they are trying to work through. The difference is, though, things can not affect their treatment of you. When the person isn’t treating you with the kindness, love, attention and effort you are giving them, it is weighing you down.

Everyone deserves a person who loves them unconditionally, even at their worst. A person they want to grow and blossom into a future with. Someone who is supportive and encouraging and wants to see them smile. Who will listen to their complaints, their hopes and their dreams? Who will laugh at the littlest corniest jokes? And will smile at you when you're not looking. Someone who is wholeheartedly happy to be with you. If you aren’t being treated like you are amazing and worthy, something is wrong. If you’re with someone who doesn’t see this light in you and isn't showing how remarkable you are to the world, you are settling for less than you deserve. And you should stop.

It’s hard. I know, it's really damn hard. You make excuses and justify their actions. You blame yourself thinking you could just change or try harder than maybe they will see how wonderful being with you really is. But, they won't. Don’t lose yourself trying to please someone else. Don't wrap yourself up in your whirlwind of emotions, because there is someone out there that will not only accept you but will love you on top of it.

That other person probably isn’t ready to give you what you need. Or maybe you just simply aren’t right for each other. That isn’t on you. That doesn’t mean you’re any less fantastic. Remember that. Tell yourself that over and over and then build up the courage to finally walk away. You are going to feel damaged and depressed but try your best not to. You will be fine and fully recovered in the long run. Remind yourself that all you’re doing, is choosing not to settle for less than you deserve.

And that is what I stand by.

I won’t settle for anything less than what I deserve because I know how much I can truly give and offer and because that type of effort isn't the effort I put into the people I care about. Unhealthy, toxic relationships halt growth and progress. So never settle. Be with people who make life better, not worse. Experience life with people who make it feel like living and not just existing. Those types of relationships are investments, the kind that will guide you and set you up for happiness and success.

Cover Image Credit: tumblr images

Popular Right Now

A Senior's Last Week Of High School

The bittersweet end.

Well, this is it. This is what we've worked so hard the last four years - who am I kidding - basically what seems like our whole lives for. This is the very last week we will set foot as a student in our high school's hallways. As most schools are getting ready to set their seniors free at last, it all begins to set in - the excitement, the anxiousness, and also the sentiment and nostalgia.

For seniors, the years since our first day as a freshman at the bottom of the high school totem pole have seemed endless, but as we look back on these last few weeks, we realize that this year in particular has gone by extraordinarily fast. It was just yesterday that we were sitting in our classrooms for the very first time, going to our 'last first' practice, and getting our first taste of the (very real) "senioritis". With all that's going on in our lives right now, from sports and clubs, finals, and the sought after graduation ceremony, it's hard to really sit down and think about how our lives are all about to become drastically different. For some it's moving out, and for some it's just the thought of not seeing your best friend on the way to fourth period English; either way, the feels are real. We are all in a tug of war with the emotions going on inside of us; everything is changing - we're ready, but we're not.

THE GOOD. Our lives are about to begin! There is a constant whirlwind of excitement. Senior awards, getting out of school early, parties, and of course Graduation. We are about to be thrust into a world of all new things and new people. Calling our own shots and having the freedom we have so desperately desired since the teenage years began is right around the corner. Maybe the best part is being able to use these new things surrounding you to grow and open your mind and even your heart to ideas you never could before. We get the chance to sink or swim, become our own person, and really begin to find ourselves.

Things we don't even know yet are in the works with new people we haven't even met yet. These friendships we find will be the ones to last us a lifetime. The adventures we experience will transform into the advice we tell our own children and will become the old tales we pass down to our grandkids when they come to visit on the weekends. We will probably hate the all night study sessions, the intensity of finals week, and the overpowering stress and panic of school in general, just like we did in high school... But it will all be worth it for the memories we make that will outlive the stress of that paper due in that class you absolutely hate. As we leave high school, remember what all the parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors are telling you - this are the best times of our lives!

THE BAD. The sentimental emotions are setting in. We're crying, siblings are tearing up, and parents are full-out bawling. On that first day, we never expected the school year to speed by the way it did. Suddenly everything is coming to an end. Our favorite teachers aren't going to be down the hall anymore, our best friends probably won't share a class with us, we won't be coming home to eat dinner with our families...

We all said we wanted to get out of this place, we couldn't wait, we were ready to be on our own; we all said we wouldn't be "so emotional" when the time came, but yet here we are, wishing we could play one more football game with our team or taking the time to make sure we remember the class we liked the most or the person that has made us laugh even when we were so stressed we could cry these past few years. Take the time to hug your parents these last few months. Memorize the facial expressions of your little sister or brother. Remember the sound of your dad coming home from work. These little things we take for granted every day will soon just be the things we tell our college roommate when they ask about where we're from. As much as we've wanted to get out of our house and our school, we never thought it would break our heart as much as it did. We are all beginning to realize that everything we have is about to be gone.

Growing up is scary, but it can also be fun. As we take the last few steps in the hallways of our school, take it all in. Remember, it's okay to be happy; it's okay to be totally excited. But also remember it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be sentimental. It's okay to be scared, too. It's okay to feel all these confusing emotions that we are feeling. The best thing about the bittersweet end to our high school years is that we are finally slowing down our busy lives enough to remember the happy memories.

Try not to get annoyed when your mom starts showing your baby pictures to everyone she sees, or when your dad starts getting aggravated when you talk about moving out and into your new dorm. They're coping with the same emotions we are. Walk through the halls remembering the classes you loved and the classes you hated. Think of the all great times that have happened in our high school years and the friends that have been made that will never be forgotten. We all say we hated school, but we really didn't. Everything is about to change; that's a happy thing, and a sad thing. We all just have to embrace it! We're ready, but we're not...

Cover Image Credit: Facebook

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Summer = Rest?

Sometimes it feels as if we need a vacation... from our vacation.


Ah summer: Popsicles and sun burns, mixed with fresh-squeezed lemonade that local kids are pandering to make enough money for Roman candles and Black Cats. The crack of the bat can be heard among the simmering charcoal grills and Troy-bilts humming through the ever-lasting sun. School is out and children are wild. It's a paradise.

Or is it?

But after countless sports camps and tournaments, other camps, vacations, school (?) events, traveling teams, VBS, summer seems to have been sucked fun-free.

Maybe it's Hollywood and Harper Lee's fault for giving us this utopian view of what summer should look and feel like (I'm looking at you Sandlot). But how can we really rest this summer? Because everyone needs some actual rest, even adults.

First thing is do NOT pack your summer full. Say no to some things. Coaches and Families can expect too much and it's okay to say no to them. You have to. There is no time for kids to be kids anymore.

Work can take a backseat. Vacations need to be taken. Families need to reconnect.

And for all my super-scheduled people out there, please PLEASE don't schedule out your vacation. Just enjoy it.

Another bit of advice would be to put away the technology and spend some time outside. When was the last time you tried to catch lightning bugs? Or went for a swim? Or listened to birds on your front porch?

I may sound like I have an old soul, but I really feel like we have lost this connection to the outside world. Summer is all about getting a farmer's tan and getting stung once or twice. I can guarantee you that's some of the best therapy in the world.

Maybe this sounds all over the place. Maybe this sounds like me ranting. And it probably is.

But I'm telling you that this stuff matters. Don't let summer whiz by and you arrive in August more drained that you were in May. Enjoy this time with family and friends.

Related Content

Facebook Comments