When I was younger I would always beg people to stay, not to leave me. Or at least that's how it seems to me when I look back on it. Now though, I refuse to beg a soul to stay. No matter how hurt I may be, if you do not want to be in my life, I do not want you in my life because quite frankly, I deserve better than that.
I can't begin to count the amount of people who have walked out of my life. But I was sick of putting in more and always receiving less. Nothing about that is fair, granted life isn't fair. After so long of getting the short end of the stick, I just can't do it any longer. It's not worth it to me to put myself through the pain of having all these people in my life and feeling as though I am not worth enough to be as good of a friend to me as I am to them.
If you don't want to be in my life, then don't. I deserve better than that. You can do whatever you want, if we are going to be friends and have a great time, that's awesome. If not, then don't let the door hit you on the way out. It's not fair to me to be faked out by you because you want to pretend you care.
Here's the thing I have learned throughout my life, if you beg someone to stay, it looks bad on you and often makes them want to leave more, whether they do or not. And if they do stay, you end up being much more miserable because in the back of your head is always the thought that they don't want to be there with you. In a sense, it almost haunts you when you beg someone to stay. Or at least that's how I felt.
So no I haven't always refused to beg people to stay. However, after having done it for a while, I learned that I don't like how I feel and the outcome is never worth it. So now no matter how badly I want someone to stay, my door is always open for you whether it's to walk in my life the first time, or out for the last time. All I know is that the games that are played that typically go along with this type of thing, isn't worth the pain and tears that come with it.
And that is why I will fight with everything I have to not beg a person to stay in my life, because if they don't want to be in my life then I don't want them in my life. My life is worth more than that to me. And your life should be worth more than that to you.
