If you told me two years ago that I would be going to MSU, I’d call you crazy. If you told me two years ago that my mom would have cancer and beat it, I’d call you insane. If you told me two years ago that I would be moving to Starkville for the summer and living in an apartment, I would’ve just walked away from you.

That’s the thing. My life is nothing like I expected. I didn’t think I would lose half of the people that I have lost. I didn’t think I wouldn’t have a major still, I would think I would be put together. But I’m not.

And that’s okay.

I am not who I thought I would be, but I am who I am, and I love me for me.

It took me a long time to be okay with who I was, I didn’t like that I wasn’t as smart as my sister or as strong as my brother. I didn’t like that I wasn’t like everyone else I met. I didn’t like that I couldn’t focus as well as others or that I loved to read while others hated it.

I am pale, blond, blue-eyed, independent, and dependent. I am indecisive, contradicting, strong, and thoughtful. I am so much more than just a person, and I am more than a typical college girl. I am me and being me is A-okay. Life is so crazy, and your “plan” isn’t set in stone. It is going to change eighteen billion times. So this article is a little piece of my freshman year one of the most challenging and most rewarding years of my life.

I have met people who have challenged me, some for the better and, yes, some for the worse. But time and time again I learned lessons and I gained friends who I love more than they could possibly understand.

At the beginning of college I was more than terrified, crazy terrified, I thought I wouldn’t make any friends. I thought I would struggle with college. But I was also excited, more than excited. Excited to meet new people and excited to learn new lessons in and outside the classroom. That’s exactly what I did. I learned lessons, a lot from outside of the classroom. I learned how college works; I learned that you can make or lose friends faster than you can think, or you can meet yourself for the first time in years.

Around the end of first semester I thought I knew everything there was to know about college, the grieving through failed tests, the happiness over silly jokes and fun nights out. But second semester hit me like a bomb.

I experienced what loneliness really felt like. I didn’t feel like I had anyone. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I felt completely lost. I had lost a loved one and I had also begun to lose myself. I was losing interest in things and thinking it was because I was at the wrong place and made a wrong decision.

I tried to run until finally: I got some advice from someone who I trust more than the world. She said, “I have a feeling you need to try again.”

So second semester. Here I am at the finish line and I have made choices that I could not be more excited about. I have started taking chances and I have found that happiness once again. Because I CHOSE to see it. I CHOSE to FIND it.

I found me in the making too.

So here I am, living in a town where I never thought I would end up. Here I am being the best version of me, someone caring, someone loving, someone who overthinks. I care a lot about the ones I love and even the ones I don’t know yet. Someone who loves the life she lives. Someone who is more appreciative to the ones around her. Someone who can’t wait to see what this life and her God have in store for her.

Here is where I will say thank you. Thank you to the friends from high school and my new friends from this year who never gave up on me. Thank you to my advisors and professors for always pushing me to be my best and always replying to my irrelevant emails. Thank you to my greek family that makes me feel loved. Thank you to my family who accepts me for who I am. Thank you to the ones who hurt me this year, without those lessons I wouldn't be growing into the best version of myself.

Whether you’re a freshman in high school, a freshman in college, or even a middle aged parent, I challenge you to find the real you. Take more chances, say yes more, or even talk to the person that you want to talk to. I urge you to stop asking for other people’s opinions and I especially challenge you to DO what YOU want to and BE who YOU want to be.